The Invisible Girl

A farewell to my first love......

   At the end of that year, things got weird. He stopped coming to school regularly. When he did show up, he'd either nap through classes or just stay in the classroom. Was I the only one who noticed? Was I the only one who found it odd?

I was worried, but without realizing it, things started changing for me too. When he stopped coming to school, I stopped looking for him. My heart seemed to forget, and my feelings faded.

Even though I was concerned about his sudden changes, I was also getting used to his absence. It wasn’t like before when I’d freak out if he was gone for a second. This time was different.

As the year drew to a close, something big happened. After lunch break one day, the whole class was in chaos. I went to my seat, as usual, since I didn’t get along with anyone. But this time was different. Even people who never talked to me before came over and told me something that made my heart stop.

I wasn’t myself for a second. I couldn’t speak. I heard his father had passed away. So that’s what was behind his strange behavior. "I heard his dad was sick for a long time," another kid said. They rushed to me because they knew we were close.

I couldn’t believe it because I knew how much his father meant to him. I realized he was going through a hard time, but the saddest part was I couldn’t be there for him or tell him it’d be okay.

I couldn’t imagine the hell he was going through. Even now, I regret not being there. I wish I could have been. Maybe if I had, he wouldn’t have left like that. He would have said goodbye. When he returned to school, I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. Just like that, the year ended.

Winter break came, and we went back to our daily lives. For some reason, I started forgetting about him.

The new year came, and we started seventh grade. I thought maybe I’d see him, fine and well, since it had been so long. I was really looking forward to it, like every year before. But then I heard he’d moved far away and transferred schools.

I was shocked. I thought everything would be the same, but nothing was.

Things started changing fast here too. I became so focused on my studies that I even forgot he existed. Nothing new happened that year or the next. My life became boring, and nothing seemed interesting. I wondered how it had been so dramatic before.

But deep down, I missed him. Whenever I thought about him, my heart ached. I even tried to get his contact info, but his friends didn’t know. He never contacted anyone after he left, which was just like him, being all cool and mysterious.

Every time I passed by his house, I remembered those days when we went to his place for the first time after school. I don’t even remember why I wanted to go. Maybe I was curious, or maybe I just wanted to spend more time with him. When we arrived at a green door, they both froze as if they’d seen a ghost, so I stopped too.

Then they both dashed off—he into the green house and his friend in the other direction. I just stood there, feeling ditched in the middle of nowhere.

But after that day, I kept going to his place to give him letters. When I was too scared to face him, I brought my best friend and had her deliver them while I hid and watched. Even though I always got caught, he always accepted my letters. I have no idea what I wrote in those papers. I was always so shy and had low self-esteem, but if I wanted something or liked someone, I wasn’t afraid to express it.

Back then, I didn’t understand why he didn’t like me when I was always by his side. But now, I realize it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough or because we had nothing in common. It was because I was never myself around him. I was always trying to be the girl he liked.

Just like that, my one-sided crush stayed one-sided, and the guy I liked became an unforgettable memory.

But I admit, all those things that happened to me in middle school were also my worst memories—ones I wouldn’t want to relive.