The lightest sun

Chapter 12

Jane
"Where is life going? That's right. Nowhere."

And what should I do with you...?
I squeezed the damn gadget tighter with my fingers, wondering how to resolve the situation with Cole. He is angry. And I've never seen evil Cole except our first meeting, so it's even scary. It's all too confusing. As I said.

There was still time before his flight, but the fear inside me glued me to the metal bench as if now I was part of it. "Pull yourself together." I said quietly and the wind immediately carried my words into the abyss of the sky, so patting myself on the cheeks, my finger touched the call button.
"Hey Cole." Scratching the back of my head, I waited for the beeps to end.
"Where are you?" His voice is so angry that it seems like the connection could be welded. You're in trouble Jane. No, you're completely screwed.
"I was just out for a walk."
"And why didn't you say that? You can't imagine how worried I was." The loud speaker began to put pressure on my eardrums.
"There was no need to worry. I'm already a grown girl."

"What is the problem?" I started to boil. "Breakfast was ready and I just went outside."
"But...you didn't want to say goodbye to me?"
I wanted to. Hug. Cry again because of separation. Kiss. Do not let go. But I can't...No. Not in this life.

"Does it matter?"
"Damn it." I sucked in a sharp breath at such harsh words. "You matter."
"Why?"
"We are friends, I have the right to this."
"You have no rights to me." Anger overcame me too. "You are not my brother, a relative, and certainly not a husband to control, but just a friend and a boss!"
There was silence between us. But it's not at all pleasant, but one that spreads like hot wax onto the skin, burning bitterly and unpleasantly.

"If that's the case, then I shouldn't have called." After what seems like an eternity, he answers. Calmly.
"Yes, I made a huge mistake again because I started making excuses to people again." I press the button and plop down with all my might onto the back of the bench.

Great, now my brain has completely stopped working. But this is for the better. He better be further away. In this life I am destined to be alone. Look at me. I am an adult woman, a mother, an independent person, but I offend people around me so much. This is exactly what people with a broken heart do. When they feel danger is too close, they move away. Even if they themselves don't understand it.

Too much happened to bring it closer, but out of necessity, this man was already starting to make cracks in my wall. And this is so wrong. I miss him when he's gone. I can wake up in the middle of the night from dreams where he was. I love the way Amy loves him. But I can't ruin his life. Don't want. Want to know how? Very simple.

First of all, the broken man theory applies here. When we come into contact with someone else, we can either heal them or just as badly break them. It's a risk and I hate risk.

Second of all, why have we all forgotten that he is my best friend's brother? Even if I just sleep with him because my physical attraction is too great and I have also gained trust in this person, I will not be able to look Ava in the eye. Because to say, "You know, we're not together, but we're fucking." no one can. It even sounds stupid in my head.

Well, third of all , I'm afraid. I'm just afraid of being tied to a man again. Fall in love. Only sees him. Want a real family. But that will never happen with Cole. I am sure that he is one of those who does not enter into relationships because when does he have time for this? That's right, even though I see him often, I noticed how tired he is.