I am like... extremely bored

I don't understand (TW: emotional)

I make jewelry; bracelets, necklaces and earrings.

I read and write a lot; here on Wattpad or physical holding a book.

I play the violin; struggling, but I enjoy it.

I enjoy what I do.

I make straight A's; it's not hard, like a piece of cake; just do the work.

I put up with everyone's stupidity and slowness.

I try to understand others' feelings and opinions and situations; I try to love and support everyone.

I don't constantly worry or overthink; I think of the possibilities.

I try to stay calm and happy, hoping it will brighten others' moods.

...and yet... no one repays me the same kindness. 

No one tries to understand me.

No one understands what I do or why I do it.

No one understands how I feel.

Everyone assumes things about me or someone I love before they really know us.

I recently lost someone I love very, very much. Her name was Kiki (pronounced Ke - Ke), and she was a stray kitten I had taken in. She was... no, IS more than just a cat to me, she was my friend, my best friend, and now she's gone.

When I first got her, I didn't expect how lovely and kind she was gonna be; she was so sweet, and she barely mewed, but when she did, it was so soft. Her fur was so soft, like a cloud, and I never wanted to leave the warmth of it. She was so fluffy, too... she was like cotton candy.

I noticed her presence around my house during September in 2021. I gained her trust and fed her until I was able to bring her into the house to take care of her.

I had her that whole Christmas. And then, it snowed really good in my area that year.

I listened to Lofi Girl from YouTube one night during the new year while it was snowing. I was listening to the 1 A.M Study Session when I noticed Kiki jumped on my bed and curled up on me. And the song I was listening to was Snowman by WYS.

I had Kiki for 2 years before she disappeared back in the Spring of 2024. And I never saw her again.

Some times I feel like she's with me while I'm just chilling alone.

Even before Kiki went missing, I came up with a name that was specifically hinted in honor of her: softSnowman.

soft (under-case 's') symbolizing her beautifully soft, white fur and her quite little mews.

Snowman (uppercase 'S') because the song reminds me of her and I recognize it every time it comes on, and it was winter, and snowing, at the best time I had her.

I use softSnowman for everything I'm on: YouTube, Pinterest, Spotify, Wattpad

I started realizing Kiki's name is too... public? I guess... it's not personal for me. I had made a bracelet with her name on it, but it doesn't match the softness of her, so I've decided to make a new one... one that matches every aspect of Kiki to me.

I only have so many colors in clay beads, and they're not the ones I'm looking for, but my sister, who, might I add, doesn't even use them, so I thought, "Hmm, maybe she will let me use them if she isn't going to."

...

I was dead wrong.

I asked nicely first, but she continued to ask me why.

And this is how it went...

Me: Hey, can I look at your clay beads? I don't have the colors I want, and I wanna see if you do.

Sister: Why?

Me: Because I don't have the colors I want.

Sister: Is it for Cyrus?

Me: No! It's not for Cyrus!

Sister: Are you going on a date?

Me: What?! No!

Sister: But is it for Cyrus?

Me: No! It's not for anyone! Can I please just look at the beads?

Sister: But why?! You have beads!

Me: They're not the ones I want; I want it to be as perfect as I can get it.

Sister: Why does it need to be perfect? Is it for Cyrus?

Me: NO! IT ISN'T!

I went to look for her beads because if she wasn't going to use them or let me have them I was do this myself.

But when I grabbed them, SHE JERKED THEM FROM MY HANDS.

Sister: Why do you want to look at them so bad?

Me who's absolutely fed up with everything: WHY DO YOU WANT A HORSE SO BAD?

She was silent.

No. Words. Ever. Escaped. Her. Mouth. After. That.

I walked away, fuming. I was so upset, and I still am!

Still haven't been able to look at those beads because she's always around me. But I will get ahold of them if it's the last thing I do because I'm SICK of her annoying self trying to ruin my life because I "get everything I want but she doesn't."