The Truth

seven

Tears spill from my eyes as I rock back and forth on the bathroom floor. I stare in horror at my reflection in the mirror. I can't be a mother. I can't. Not on my own. Maybe not ever with help. I can't even take care of myself! Much less a baby. This is wrong. This is so wrong. The day I find out the love of my life plans to leave me is the same day I get pregnant. 

No. The test must be wrong. I'll go to the doctor and prove that I'm not pregnant. I can't be pregnant. I can't be. Even if I am, who says I even have to have the baby? I could just put a stop to this. What kind of life could I give a baby? I have no money of my own, no home of my own, no family. And the baby would grow up without a father. He would help, but he wouldn't be involved much. His job doesn't allow that. And I can't just ask him to quit for me.

If Niall knew would he stay? Would he change his mind about me? I could keep him. He would be such an amazing father. He might even volunteer to quit the band so he doesn't have to be away from us.  I would never ask him, but if he suggested it...

No. I can't do that to him. His only dream was to travel and sing. I can't take that away from him. It wouldn't be right. And it wouldn't be right of me to use the baby to get him to stay with me. I can't think of myself right now. I have to think of this baby. But first I have to get off this floor. When I leave the bathroom, Harry stands outside the door pacing. 

"You've been in there for twenty minutes! Are you okay?" he asks. "You've been crying."

"Yeah, I'm okay. I just got sick again," I lie.

"What did that guy say?" he asks as we walk towards the exit.

"He says I have the flu," I lie. "I'm just not running a fever for some reason."

"Do you still want to go to the store or just go home?" he asks as we walk outside. 

"I promised Liam I'd make some of my soup, so we have to go," I answer.

He groans as we get into the car, but he drives to the store without complaining. We make a quick trip through the store, picking up ingredients for soup and some of the boys' favorite foods. Harry attempts to make small conversation, but my brain is a mess right now. I barely hold it together long enough to make it to the car. Once I open the driver's side door, I get in just to slump over the steering wheel to start sobbing. 

"Ali? What's the matter?" Harry asks, panicked. "What's going on? Are you hurt?" The words are incoherent through my sobs. "Ali, please just talk to me!"

I slam my hands on the steering wheel and scream angrily. How will I live without him? He saved my life time and time again. He saved me from that pig and from myself. He stopped me from ending it so many times. This is all my fault. He just can't deal with all this. I can't even blame him. No one wants someone like me. I love him so much, and this hurts so bad.

"Alexia, please just talk to me. What is the matter?" Harry shouts, panicked. He knows what's happening. He's seen me like this.

"He's going to leave me!" I scream. "And I don't know if I'll survive that! I need him!"

"Ali! He's not going to leave you! What are you talking about?!" he says. He holds my face in his hands and forces me to look him in the eye. "He loves you." 

I pull away from his grasp. "No he doesn't. He's going to leave me." I check the mirror to see my face is red and swollen. "Come on. We have to get home. Louis and Liam need their medicine."

"And you," he adds.

"Yeah. Right. So let's just get home," I say starting the car. 

"You're not sick are you?" he asks.