The Truth

eleven

Once the bus arrived, I eagerly boarded it and found a seat towards the back. I was still crying. I wasn't sad. I was happy and terrified all at once. In a matter of a minute, I decided to be a mom. I just hope that Niall will be happy with my decision. I know what it's like to grow up without a father. That is the last thing I want for this baby. The bus ride from downtown as close as I could get to out house took nearly an hour and three transfers. There was nearly a mile left to walk, but I didn't mind. The cold morning air helped to clear my head. I was no longer second guessing myself. I would be a mom. I would become the best mother I possibly could for this baby. Whether I had to do it alone or not would be up to Niall.

When I finally reach our home, I look like hell. My eyes and face are swollen. My nose is red from inhaling chilled winter air. I don't care. I just needed to see him. My aching feet pull me up to the porch, and I ring the doorbell. A very concerned looking Harry pulls the door open.

"Ali? What the hell? Are you alright?" he asks concernedly. He pulls me inside quickly and shuts the door. "My god you're freezing." He paces between the kitchen and living room, grabbing blankets and making tea to warm me.

"Harry, is Niall here? I didn't see his car," I finally speak. I slyly tuck the ultrasound photo into my pants pocket.

Harry hesitates before answering. "He's downtown at Syco. Simon needed to speak with him. The others are just out today."

"Why did he only want to see Niall?" I ask. "He usually asks for all of you."

"He asked to meet about you," Harry replies. "From what I gather, he's none too happy about what your night out is doing for Niall's image. Niall is the baby, he's innocent-"

"And he can't be seen with a slut, is that it?!" I ask angrily. "This is the fucking cherry on top of this whole fucked up situation."

"Alexia, you had to know that what you do doesn't just affect you. It will always be this way. When you date a public figure, you will always be under scrutiny," he replies.

"I'm going upstairs. I need some things. I'll be gone by the time he gets back," I reply calmly and walk up the stairs. Harry trails behind me, insisting I wait for Niall to come home.

"At least talk to him. These last few days have been really rough for him," Harry pleads.

"Stop!" I scream. "I am so tired of everyone telling me what to do! Please just leave me alone!" I yell.

"What the hell is going on here?" a voice says from the doorway. Harry and I look to Niall who stands dumbfounded in the hall. 

"I'll leave you two alone," Harry says quickly, stalking out of the room. 

"What are you doing here?" he asks. "I thought you were at Charlie's."

"I just came to talk, but now I think I'll just get my passport and be going. I shouldn't be here," I say quietly. I walk to my old dresser and open up the bottom drawer. Niall's hand gently rests on my shoulder as he takes a seat on the bed behind me. "Please don't," I say no more loudly than a whisper. I turn to face him. His eyes are cloudy with tears and desperation. "I can't do this anymore."

"Why did you come here?" he asks. "Passports are just a couple pounds. You look like you've been crying." he says. "You came to talk? Let's talk."

"This relationship was fucked from the start," I sigh. "We should have known that. I don't really know why I came," I lie. "Something is different. And I don't know what to do."

Niall sighs deeply and stares down at the floor. "I am just so tired. Remember when we were just best friends too afraid to love each other? When either one of us was sad, we lay together and just let the other cry. No words or obligations." Tears spill down my cheeks. His broken expression makes my heart hurt. "I really miss that, you know? Just the comfort of being held."

I slowly sit my bag down on the floor and remove my jacket. "Niall," I say quietly. "Go ahead and lay down." He looks up at me confused as I walk to the door, shutting it slowly. I turn off the light and sit down to remove my boots.

"What are you doing?" he asks, weeping softly.

"It's alright. Just lie down," I reply. He lays down on his side and quietly sobs. I gently walk to his side of the bed and remove his shoes, laying them on the floor beside me. I look at him, but I don't see Niall Horan, international pop star.  I see the same broken boy I met all those years ago. I walk up to him and tuck a pillow beneath his head. Next, I drape a throw over his shaking body. 

"Ali?" he asks softly. "Please stay." I silently nod and take my place on the other side of the bed. His body curls up in my arms, and he continues to cry. "I love you so much it hurts," he whispers softly. "Please stay. I want you to stay."

"I'll stay, Niall," I whisper softly as I lie on the bed next to him. I wrap my arms around his waist, holding him tightly. His body shakes in my arms, his breath coming in short between quiet sobs. I can't help but cry with him. 

Laying with Niall like this brings back so many memories. When Niall and I first became friends, we kept our problems between each other. They were a secret only we knew. When it was needed, we would lie in the small bunk on the tour bus or in a hotel bed and just cry. No words were ever spoken between the two. This arrangement went on for six months. During that time, I realized I was falling in love with him. I never believed I was good enough for him. To this day, I don't know that I think I am now. 

Having a child with him could work out one of two ways. He would choose to marry me. Propose immediately and encourage me to elope. We would live in our own home away from the other boys and raise our child and live happily ever after with him always resenting me for interrupting the height of his career with an unplanned pregnancy. Option two is the worse of the two. He and I would break up. He would pay me to go away like many celebrities have done. My child and I would be sent somewhere remote and Niall would pay for us. We'd live a comfortable life without him. 

I don't know if I can risk either of those choices. I never want my child to grow up being resented for interrupting his father's career. And I don't want him to grow up without a father. I did that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. So how do I decide? Do I have an abortion and keep it a secret? Or do I tell him? Do I take away his career and reputation? 

There is a third option, but I could never do it.

I could leave.