Pieces of Peace

Caffeinated Thoughts

Caffeinated Thoughts

How do I describe it?
A half-full or half-empty mug?
It's the same argument we've always had every morning.
But we just ended up being seated,
With our legs intertwined on a rocking chair,
And would tease all-day long
About how weird my coffee tasted.

I smiled to myself...

I put in a pinch of black,
I added a teaspoon of creamer
And a spoonful of sugar,
And filled this worn-out mug
With warm water - lots of it.

Then, I mixed it carefully
As my mind trailed off to a sudden thought.

You would have ridiculed me by now
If you've seen what I did.
Your face would scrunch up,
And you would be displeased.
And your mantra was,
"That’s not a right mixture of coffee you make,
but it's definitely a wild shot to diabetes."
This line was already written in every corner of this kitchen,
But I never did once follow what you wanted.

Sipping...

Remember, on the 11th of October,
There wasn't a ray of sunlight in the room,
So, we never had any reason to get up from bed.
Oh, until now, I could still feel the heat under that duvet!
I could still smell your lingering scent - it's rich and organic, just how you like your drinks.
I could still see your flushed face,
Seemingly like roasted beans that served as your palette to color your skin.
You've had this belief that you'd turn out as pale as the creamer without much caffeine intake.
It's like your system wouldn't function well without it.
And I could still hear your voice
Telling me how anxious you were to have your breakfast in bed,
Because you didn't want the sheets to get filthy.
But you've never heard me ramble about you having coffee there - often leaving it untidy.
Now I just realized why you'd refer to me as your cup of tea,
Because I had never and would never measure up to your favorite coffee.

Sipping....

Remember again, one time I asked for an iced latte,
But, you brought me a boiling hot cappuccino,
while you only had one black.
You said that it was pointless to have coffee if it's served cold.
Well, how could I argue with that?
You even made me drink yours,
Saying that a real coffee lover
Would hint a taste of saccharine
In coffees purely black.
You've always liked it dark.
You've always loved it black.
While me, I've always liked it creamy.
And I've always loved it sugary.

I took one last sip of my coffee and huffed in silence.

Those were the days...
Those were the days when I was contented with having coffee
With you in dawn,
And having the same coffee
With you in dusk.
Those were the days when I was
Trying to get the right combination
Of my coffee,
For I also wanted you to taste mine, have mine, and accept mine.
Those were the days when I was altering my preferences to fit in with yours.
Those were the days when I was
Intoxicated, numb, and unruly
And I never felt like myself anymore.
Now my coffee never tasted as sweet as before.
And this mug could never be near full
And it couldn't get any emptier either.

I put down the emptied mug and closed my eyes.

I could never bring myself
to explain why I like coffee,
and why I like to add some cream and sugar in it.
For what it's worth, I never understood
Your inclination to drink black coffee - more than you should and more than your body could take.

Remind me again how we ended up like this...
Oh, wasn't it because we never agreed on drinking coffee of the same kind?
Yes, it was just coffee
but it has managed to
burnout the best in me
While it was bringing out
the worst in you in the process.

I rested my chin on my palm as I flung out of space.

All these years, I had convinced myself
That I liked coffee as much as I liked you
Not until I ran out
Of cream and sugar to add on
And I never dared to drink it without them.
It has occurred to me just now
That I didn't really like coffee, I never did.
But what I actually liked
was the sweetness of the sugar in it
And how the cream
made it less tangy for my liking.

In that way, the bitterness of the coffee
Would become less and bearable.
Now, I have no one to argue with
About a half-full or half-empty mug,
Because we've already concluded,
After a deal of pouring in and spilling out
From each other's cups.
Perhaps the only common thing
we had was coffee,
And everything else seemed unmatched.
Though it may sound cynical,
I have to admit that I still like sugar
and cream in my coffee,
Or which, in my case, you.

P.S.
I got inspired to write this one because of my friend's username (it's just cute), and she's also a writer here. But on a serious note, I wrote this when I realized that my feelings for a crush I had back in senior high school are still confusing my senses until now. Like, omg, didn't I say I have already moved on? Gosh! Guess we don't really forget something we once sought for that fast...

July 4, 2024 Thu