Primrose

Chapter 5

* Dinner outfit in media

I am so happy and proud of Angela for putting herself out there, getting to meet new people and finding love. I wish I had the same courage, to allow love in but damn it's hard. I just automatically think that I'll get hurt for sure so I shut any romantic prospects out all together.

With everything else like trying new things, making friends and moving to new spaces I can build the courage and show up for it but love though, oh baby no. I shut that down quick because I'm convinced it'll end in tears, but I feel like I need to give myself a chance now to experience a different kind of happiness and ignore the fear.

I have to start slow though, baby steps. With that being said, I'm excited for tonight and I am so happy that I have an outfit that makes me feel so good and confident. I'm determined to be a gorgeous girl and just have a great night.

I have chosen to wear a long black bodycon dress that reaches my ankles, it has thin straps and I have decided to pair it with gold heels and my gold purse. I'm excited and this outfit looks perfect plus the weather is warm so it all works out for me.

It's currently around 4 pm, which means I still have a bit of time before I have to go. I wanna tidy up my apartment, take a shower and get ready. I get started in the kitchen cause I have a few dishes to wash, mop the floor and wipe the counter.

After 30 minutes I finish cleaning my space and I head to the bathroom to take a shower. I feel so jittery but also so excited for tonight, super nervous though about who I'm gonna meet and how they'll interact with me.

More than anything though, I want to make sure that I have fun, get out of my head and be myself. I love that I'm now at a space where I love myself as I am and trust that what's meant for me will find me, so I don't have to keep myself small or do the most to please people in order to be liked, like I used to do in the past.

I spent a big chunk of my life feeling like who I am is not beautiful, incredible or likeable so I always approached social interactions with a mask of what I felt was good enough or acceptable, which in my mind was everything I'm not.

It took me forever to understand that as I am right here and right now, I am amazing and worthy of nothing but pure joy and magic. That I don't have to force or people please my way through life in order to be accepted but instead just find my truth, stick to it and my tribe will find me.

God knows I can go on and on but that's just my tiny truth. Sometimes I get mad when I think about how much I've lost and the pain that I went through in order for me to get to this space of peace and grounding, but then I also think that I appreciate my life a lot more now because of all that I've been through to get here so I guess that was God's plan.

It's currently 5 pm now and I've finished taking my shower, now I have to straighten my hair. I currently have a full frontal wig, it's glueless. I love those kind of wigs, they are so convenient and make my life so easy. I get to look good with out much stress and hassle. My natural hair is 4C, I love it but my God it can be so hard to care of so I put on wigs here and there to spice things up.

I straighten my hair, put some light make up on my face and clean up my space. I hate when I go out and leave my place a mess from when I was getting ready then I have to deal with that mess when I return, it's a pain. I put my dress on and it fits like a glove, I recently got this dress.

It feels amazing that I can now afford to wear clothes like this and live the live that I live now. For the longest time after finishing high school I had no plans and no direction, staying at home not studying or working. Absolutely miserable and living with people who made me unhappy, my relatives.

They are family yes but for the most part I didn't feel like I belonged there, like I was alone and deserted. They were family from my dad's side, never really had a relationship with my mom's side of the family. I stayed with them for a long time after my parents died, just surviving.

The only thing that gave me strength was that I was going to receive my parents pension money and that was definitely gonna set my life right. It took forever tho, nearly 3 years but it finally paid off and I hightailed my ass out of there.

Now I didn't have problems with all of them, just my uncle's wife, my cousin and his mom ( my grandma). They always made me feel unwelcome and it was awful because I was always with me since they also stayed home. My uncle was never around to witness all the shit since he was always at work.

It really scarred me and that's why as soon as I could afford it, I left. My uncle I talk to along with my cousin's and a few other family members that I'm happy with, so I didn't completely cut everybody off.

I finish getting dressed and I'm so happy that I'm still on schedule because I swear time management has been an issue for me for so long. I'd literally wake up early but still somehow be late, it was annoying.

Knock knock

I open the door, "Hey Rosie, you look stunning" says Eric

"Thanks Eric" I say with a smile and I lead him to the dining room.

"I hope you don't mind that I've arrived here a little early, it's just that I finished getting ready an hour and I got bored of waiting alone" he says with a laugh. He looks around my apartment with a smile.

"You have a really cute place, it's nice and cozy. I swear you should see my place, you'd laugh. " He says with a laugh. " My mom has been fighting to decorate for so long, I'm literally so close to giving up and letting her"

I laugh at him, I mean how bad could his apartment be that his mom wants to intervene.
" Okay you gotta let me see it because your mom gets her hands on it"

I grab my purse from my bedroom, my phone and my keys. Eric and I walk out of my apartment and I lock up. We walk to the elevator and I swear I get more nervous with each step that I take at the thought I'm about to meet a group of complete strangers.

The best part of this whole thing is that I look great, everything else we'll wing it as we go.

We arrive at the ground floor and walk to the parking lot, Eric is driving and I couldn't be happier about that. I mean I can drive but today I'm not really feeling up to it. We drive for about 20 so minutes and can I just say that Eric's taste in music is fire.

We finally get to the restaurant and I swear I feel like I'm going to pass out because of nerves. Eric parks the car and we walk towards the restaurant, with every step we take I get more nervous and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Hey look at me" Eric puts his hands on my shoulders and faces me. " Please don't be nervous, just walk in there and be yourself. The whole point of this is for you to meet new people and enjoy yourself, focus on that and ignore everything else. Okay?" He says with a calm voice.

I nod with a smile. " They are pretty chill and very welcoming, you'll enjoy being around them and they'll love you. Trust me. " He tells me with a smile.

He gives me his arm and I hold onto it, we walk in and greet the hostess. " Reservation under Moretti" she checks her board and nods her head. " Yes I see it sir, most of the guests have arrived. Please follow me" she says.

We follow her and as we walk a few feet away from us sitting in a table of 6, a lady gets up and waves at us. "Eric!" she calls out with a big smile on her face , Eric waves back with a big smile of his own. We finally reach the table and I see 5 faces looking up at us, out of all those faces I see one in particular that has me frozen.

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I am so sorry that it took me forever to update and upload another chapter, life has been showing me flames. I am a first year student that had a mountain load of assignments.

I promise I'll do better though. 😚❤️