A Court of Guilt and Passion

Chapter 2

You sighed, "I don't know."

"Sil-"

"Not now," you said, pushing away your still full plate, "tomorrow, once he's left."

Lucien nodded once and let you leave. You walked straight to your room, you didn't even bother taking your dress off as you laid on the floor. The bed was too soft, too comfortable, you hated it - you hated the luxury of it, you didn't feel you deserved it after your actions. So you slept on the floor.

It was still softer than the floor of the cell you slept in during Amarantha's reign, but it didn't disgust you the way the bed did. Besides, laying on the floor was closer to the bathroom, where you would no doubt wake in a few hours to be sick again. That was your routine - eat, sleep, throw up everything you ate, more nightmares, wake and do it again.

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The first flecks of dawn showed in the sky when you heard the door of your room crack open. You had just laid back on the floor after returning from the bathroom. Tamlin eased into the room and he laid beside you on the floor, looking at your face. He reached up and wiped a bead of sweat from your brow.

"I'm leaving," he whispered, "I'll be back soon." His voice was soft, you could almost feel the love in it, and it made you sick too. Not that you didn't care for him, but that you didn't deserve his love, not after what you did.

You ran to the bathroom again, hovering over the toilet and puking up whatever was left in your stomach. Tamlin was at your side, rubbing your back, "I know it's hard," he whispered, continuing the comforting circles, "I know you haven't forgiven yourself yet, but in time you will heal. And the first step is getting rid of the abhorrent bargain you were forced to make."

You only nodded, not having any strength in your bones to say anything. Not having the heart to tell him that the bargain with the Night Lord was not the root of your problems.

—-------------------

Lucien knocked on your door twice before you answered, already changed into a tunic and pants. "A walk?" you asked, quickly walking out of your room and beckoning him to follow. He chuckled quietly at your eagerness, but followed you out of the manner and into the garden.

He thought you would stop there, but you kept going, right past the gates of the house and into the woods. You finally stopped near a stream and sat in the grass, your fingers outstretched to play in the cool water.

Lucien sat next to you, watching you with a smile on his face. You noticed his expression, "what?"

He shrugged, "I just haven't seen you this carefree since we got back." He was right, this was the first time you let yourself relax. You had no idea if it was just the distance from the manner, the cool relaxing water or the fact that Tam wasn't there that let your shoulders slump.

Lucien noticed your fallen expression, "I've ruined it, you've just delved back into your thoughts."

You shook your head, "it always happens, it's not your fault."

He kicked off his boots and put his feet in the water as he lounged next to you. "Penny for your thoughts?"

You chuckled, a light one that you didn't know existed in yourself anymore, "are my thoughts that cheap?"

He feigned shock and put a hand to his heart, "my apologies great Sil, Cursebreaker, I am unsure I could afford your thoughts."

You hissed and punched his arm, he winced, still not used to your fae strength you recoiled, "I'm sorry."

Lucien shrugged, "I can handle it." When you didn't respond he continued, "I can handle hearing your thoughts too, even if you think I can't."

You laid your head in the grass as your fingers continued to twist in absent-minded circles in the water, "I'm not sure you can stomach it, if I told you everything."

Lucien flipped around so he was staring at you, he pulled his long red hair into a bun at the nape of his neck, crossing his arms under his head - like he was settling in for a long time. "I can, so tell me everything."