To My Dearest

Page 4

"Let's do this again, it'll be your last session with me. I think you're doing great."

I'm here sa office ng therapist ko. I'm lying on an incline chair–eyes close, meditating.

"Breathe in.." I breathe in. "Breathe out." Out.

"You good?" I nod my head then sit properly. She's still sitting on her chair near me. Smiling.. comforting smile.

"Do you think will I get better? Do you know when I will finally realise na wala na talagang pag-asa na balikan niya ako?"

"You're doing a great job Ms. Sevilleja. For the past six months, you show a lot of improvement. It'll take time to heal but I believe you'll recover."

"Can I visit you kahit walang appointment? I mean kapag nagrelapse ulit ako?"

"Of course you can."

********

Tapos na yung session ko pero itutuloy ko yung pagsusulat at pagkukuwento ko.

I start writing again..

"Masakit na naman ba ulo mo mahal?"

"Yes. It's worse kada umaga."

"Come here, hilutin ko ulo mo. Make sure to take meds and please wag mong pabayaan sarili mo."

Kinasal tayo 1 year after ng graduation natin. You decided na mag-aral ulit for Doctorate degree and ako naman ay pinalad na makahanap agad ng trabaho.

You're already in your second year and konti na lang magiging doktor ka na. You wanted this and I will support you.

I thought everything is okay. I thought na dahil sa dami mong dapat aralin, intindihin at kabisaduhin na information, sumasakit na yung ulo mo.

Unang beses sumakit, hindi ko binigyan ng sobrang pansin. Pero yung una nadagdagan ng pangalawa, pangatlo hanggang sa hindi ko na nabilang.

I told you na ipacheck up mo pero sabi mo wala lang yun. Sabi mo sakin, mawawala din yun kapag ininuman mo ng gamot.

I believed you. But part of me, still worries about your well being.

"You don't have to accompany me here para magpacheck up. I told you, everything's fine."

"Kailangan ko lang mapanatag loob ko, Jho. Promise hindi na kita kukulitin after nito."

Wala ka ng nagawa. Sabi ng doktor wala namang problema. Too much stress lang daw. He even gave you prescription.

Naniwala ako nun. Akala ko ok lahat. Dumating din yung time na halos isang buwan hindi sumakit yung ulo mo kaya napanatag ako na ok ka na.

All of a sudden, unti-unting may nagbago sayo.

"Damnit!" Napatakbo ako sa study room ni Jhoanna at nagulat ako ng makita ko yung mga kalat kalat na papel at libro sa sahig.

"What happened?" Nag-aalala kong tanong.

"I can't remember anything! Walang kahit na anong information pumapasok sa utak ko kahit ilang beses kong basahin yang pesteng libro na yan!" Jhoanna is  shouting and frustrated. Which is very rare of her.

"Hey, you're just stress."

"I'm not fucking stress!" She lashed out which taken me aback. Hindi ako lumapit sa kanya and natauhan siya bigla.

Her expression softened then she let herself fall on the floor. That's the time na lumapit ako and niyakap siya habang nakaupo kami parehas sa sahig.