Baby Devito the Pollin Baby (Pom X Collin)

Chapter 1: Baby Devito

 "Collin! Could you get the door? I'm busy right now!" Pom shouts across the house. "I got it!" Collin responds back, walking up to the front door. The door frantically knocks and rings. Collin starts to get nervous. What the hell is going on? He was a bit scared to open the door, but after hesitation, he opened it.

...

"Hello there." A short, fat, wrinkly figure with a pinkish wig on approaches.

Collin instinctively backs away from it, but the thing proceeds to approach further.

"I am your child, my name is Baby Devito." the ugly thing named Baby Devito says.

Collin just stood there, trying to process what the hell was going on right now. "Uhm, Pom??" Collin yells in a tone of pure confusion and concern. "Something's up, Collin?" Pom rushes to the front door, and what bestowed upon her eyeballs shocked her to the core. All there was silence. Pom and Collin were too shocked to speak. Finally, Pom opened her mouth. "What in the name of God is that thing, Collin?". Collin can't think of a concrete answer to that. He didn't know what the hell that thing was supposed to be.

"I'm your beautiful baby girl, Pom." Baby Devito answered. Pom went from confusion to a sense of fear and dread. Baby? She doesn't recall having a child with Collin, or anyone for that matter. Pom looks at Collin. "I have to talk to you for a sec, dude." Pom says. "Give us a moment, thing." Pom and Collin walked to the living room. "What is going on, Collin? What is that thing? Why does it look like Danny Devito?" Pom freaks out.

Collin tries thinking straight, he's still processing the situation. "I. I don't know. It keeps on saying that it's our child, but, how?" Collin responds. None of this makes any sense for both parties. Both do not recall making a kid, birthing a kid, or anything relating to those subject matters. This thing just showed up out of nowhere. They both can't just think of any logic behind this event.

"Mama, papa, please, love me." Baby Devito climbs up to them. "JESUS FLOPPING CHRIST" Pom yells "COLLIN HELP IT'S COMING TO ME". "CALM DOWN POM!" Collin yells, he grabs a broom and pushes the little Devito away. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" The ugly Baby Devito cries. Pom and Collin immediately freaked out from the crying and Pom quickly tried comforting the abomination. "WHY ARE YOU COMFORTING THE THING?" Collin yells. "I DON'T KNOW I JUST WANT IT TO STOP CRYING!" Pom yells back. Baby Devito then calms down and falls asleep. Pom then sets the ugly bastard down on the couch.

Pom doesn't know how to feel. Disgusted? Confused? Angry? Scared? Collin is equally as mixed up as she is. He's clearly distressed by the situation and Pom took notice of that, so she attempts to lighten it up a bit. "Hey, y'know what? I've always wanted a kid, y'know?" Pom says. Collin pauses. "That is not a kid, Pom. That is a grown man." Collin responds boldly. Pom nods. "Yeah, I guess. What if it was just a really ugly baby though?" Pom rebuttals with massive copium. Collin face palms.

"Ugly babies don't look like THAT. I don't think that thing is our "child". It's not only a completely different species, but it's also old and wrinkly looking and speaks coherent sentences like a grown man!" Pom agrees with Collin, but she has some seeking suspicion that the stuff she said against Danny Devito might be the cause of this thing... Collin's head starts to hurt, trying to figure out a way to deal with this situation.

"We can't take care of a kid, Pom. Let alone a weird creepy old one that looks like Danny Devito. We just don't have the time to deal with one." Collin says. Pom nods again. "What are we gonna do with that thing, then?" Pom asks. Collin can't answer again, he doesn't know what to do. "Just... We'll... I don't know. We'll just have to deal with it until we can think of something." Collin said. Both Pom and Collin stare at the sleeping abomination, knowing this is the start of one of the worst days of their lives.