Paint the town blue

Chapter IX

It's a good thing that Frederic didn't count the day of my visit to Max as my mandatory day off, so I didn't have to ask for time off for another session with Valtteri. So I woke up, but I didn't feel as cheerful as yesterday - what a pity. After spending about ten minutes in bed and gathering the strength to get up from my soft hiding place, I got up and went to take a shower. Anyway, only in my shower stall I can feel at least a little alive, but outside of it, as if by magic, I turn into some kind of zombie who can only pretend that everything is fine, and work, work, work.

As I stood under the hot jets of water, I kept thinking about what I'd say to Valtteri. That his idea of visiting Max failed and now I don't think about him every day, but also every night? And should I tell him about his words? And about my feelings? Strangely, the question of whether I should tell him about my and Estie's "true lies" for the station report wasn't even raised. Of course, I won't tell him that.

After the water treatments, I changed my clothes and went to the kitchen to drink my first, but obviously not the last, cup of coffee that day. Yuki wasn't at home – he leaves for work at about the same time as me, but when I have visits to Valtteri, I can afford to get up not so early. So I was going to the session in peace and quiet, which is even better.

After finishing my cup of coffee, I looked at my watch – there is still about an hour before the visit, so I can either walk and arrive just in time, or stay at home for a while and then drive, and still arrive on time. I didn't even think about this question for a long time, because it was starting to rain a little outside the window. Actually, I can say that the choice was made for me.

I didn't feel like eating, so I just sat at the table for a while and thought. Sometimes it seems to me that I spend too much time on my thoughts and therefore I seem to fall out of reality. No, it used to be like this, I don't argue, but lately it's become more frequent and it's a little... annoying. And not only for me. It's funny, but for some reason I remembered that Carlos used to have this habit too.

When it was time to leave, I got up from my chair, took the car keys from the hallway and left the house. I wonder if there'll be new people in the waiting room today, or will there be all those old familiar faces?

After getting into the car and leaving the garage, I drove in the direction that was already familiar to me. I drove in silence again, as if trying to set myself up for the visit and mentally build up our conversation with Valtteri in my head. It would be fun to have a "scripted conversation" with him, but he'll feel it right away and I definitely won't be able to cheat like that. Exactly like how to speak in pre-prepared phrases.

At the clinic, I immediately went to the receptionist, she noted my visit in the log and sent me to the waiting room. I'm even intrigued by who I'm going to see there today. When I entered there, I immediately sat down in an empty seat in the corner – this is already my place in this room, because I always sit there. I looked around and nodded slightly, silently greeting the people sitting there. Well, I was right – there were all the same familiar faces: a tired man, a nervous girl, and a married couple with a child.

I didn't have to wait long, and just five minutes later the receptionist called me into Valtteri's office. Getting up from my seat, I walked down a long-familiar corridor, knocked on a familiar door and saw a Finn I already knew was waiting for me. After greeting him, he waved towards the couch, and I immediately went to it and settled in, as in previous sessions. Valtteri marked something on the sheets on his tablet, then attached a pen to it and looked at me carefully.

"So, Charles, how are you feeling?"

"Honestly, I don't even know. I kind of feel better, but I kind of... and I kind of feel like I'm slowly falling into the abyss again."