Paint the town blue

Chapter XIV

I never would've thought that long after the murders, the trial, and everything that followed, I would still feel tired. No, not just tired, but so damn tired. It's like I went back to that time and now I can't get out of there, although my consciousness just screams that I need to move on and finally close that chapter of my life. The consciousness screams, but the heart doesn't want to agree with this in any way.

And here I am again lying in my room, immersed in the darkness of the night, and trying to make out the drawings on the boring ceiling. I know every curl by heart, and I'm already sick of it, as well as the fact that I can't keep living like that. I'm just lying there, looking at the ceiling, and I'm holding the damn sticker to my chest with my palm. This sticker is the only thing that reminds me of Max. This small, faded and crumpled piece of paper with a sloppy heart. How could I ever have imagined that my life would become so miserable that the only thing that would bring me joy was the most ordinary sticker.

I was lying in the dark, and at some point I thought I heard someone trying to pull the handle and open the door of my room. I immediately sat up in bed and stared at the door. What could Yuki possibly want in my room at half past three in the morning?

Without a second thought, I got out of bed and went to the door, and as I approached, I suddenly heard retreating footsteps outside the door. I opened it, but there was no one behind it. And what was that? Maybe Yuki thought I was awake and decided to check on me, but then he didn't hear any sounds from my room and decided to leave so as not to disturb my sleep?

Anyway, I decided to go to Yuki's room and find out what he wanted. Since he was just at my door, he definitely hasn't fallen asleep yet. I opened the door to his room and fell silent in mid-sentence - my neighbor was sleeping peacefully in his bed. I don't understand anything. I stood in the doorway and just stared unseeingly at the sleeping Yuki and couldn't understand how he could leave my room so quickly and fall asleep in a split second. What's happening? A chill ran down my spine, and again it seemed to me that another panic attack was about to begin, so I quickly closed the neighbor's door and returned to my room.

Closing the door behind me, I sat down on the floor, closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths - this should help. And as strange as it may sound, it really helped. Gradually, the anxiety began to disappear, and the wave of panic began to recede. I need to pull myself together before it gets really bad.

When I felt more or less calm, I got to my feet and decided to go around the house, just in case. For safety, I grabbed a padel racket and left my room. It certainly couldn't seem to me that someone was trying to open my door and that someone was definitely standing behind it. It definitely wasn't another glitch. So I walked slowly and carefully through all the rooms in the house and looked into all the corridors, including the abode of all fears - the basement, but there was no one anywhere. In fact, I should've felt relieved, but a drop of anxiety still didn't want to go anywhere.

When I returned to my room, I looked at the time - half past four. Did I spend an hour wandering around the house with a racket in search of someone, I don't even know who? I put the racket back in its place and went back to bed. It's still a few hours before work begins, so I can get some more sleep, if I can get some at all. I had already realized in advance that my plans wouldn't succeed, so I took a sedative again - just a quarter to just fall asleep, and not to stare at the ceiling that was boring to stupefaction.

I started thinking again about what had happened an hour ago, but I still didn't come to a logical conclusion, because, as expected, I soon fell into a partially restless sleep.

In the morning, I woke up exactly on the alarm clock and, as strange as it may sound, I felt...normal? There was no habitual feeling of fatigue, or any kind of indifference, it was...normal for me. So after lying in bed for a while, I got up and went to the shower to pull the last threads of sleep out of myself with cold jets of water.