On Your Way ✓

Chapter 7.

3rd person POV:

Flashbacks;

"We need to talk, taehyung." It was the first thing jungkook said the moment taehyung stepped inside the younger's own apartment.

"What is it about? Can't we just—" he didn't finish his sentence as he gently pulled the boy closer with an arm around his waist and planted his lips onto his, cupping his face with one hand, sounding visibly exhausted.

But instead of kissing him back like always, jungkook put his hand on his shoulders and pushed him back making taehyung's hand slip from his body.

"This. This is what I want to talk about. I'll get straight to the point, Taehyung—" he was cut off in the middle as taehyung frowned and stepped closer once again cupping the younger's face with both hands this time.

"Why.. why are you calling me that? You call me taetae the other times..." He sounded concerned as he tried to put his arms around jungkook once again but he was pushed back the second time, in a harsh manner.

"Taehyung, stop." Jungkook sounded cold as he refused to look into the elder's eyes filled with hurt but he didn't say anything.

"I want us.. no, there's no us. I want you and I to stop whatever this is we have going on." The younger pointed between him and taehyung who tried to say something but no words came out, so jungkook continued.

"You can't convince me otherwise, taehyung. I don't want this to continue anymore. I still have some self respect left, and I just can't do it anymore. I've been wanting to stop from years but I don't know. I don't fucking know what's wrong with me, what is it about you that I keep coming back to you even though you treat me like nothing but shit. It has taken me a lot of courage to finally be able to do this.. and please.. say something." Jungkook looked up at the man who looked like he had seen a ghost as he stepped back till his back hit the wall.

"What did I do wrong? I.. it's probably not that serious, you can tell me kook, we can fix this. You can't.. I can't.. I lo- you're my only best friend.. you can't just say that." Taehyung wasn't crying, no, he wasn't. He never cries, but what was this lump in his throat? Why were his eyes burning as he heard jungkook say all that? Why was he a stuttering mess?

On that, jungkook laughed. Not just laughed, he cackled as he repeated, "bestfriend? I'm your bestfriend? That's really fucking funny taehyung. Are you that oblivious or do you just pretend to be, huh? Is this a joke to you? Bestfriend? Seriously? You seriously don't know what you've done wrong?" He took one step closer towards taehyung with every question and when the elder looked away from him, he put his hand on his jaw and made him look back up at him.

"Answer me, taehyung. Do you seriously don't know what you've done wrong?"

"I don't know."

"Right. Right. Ofcourse you don't. I'm the only one who's feeling like that of course. It's a me problem I guess." Jungkook stepped back and threw his hands in the air showing just how done he was already with this conversation after turning around so he doesn't have to face taehyung anymore.

"If you don't know, then I will tell you. I am in fucking love with you, Kim taehyung. You might choose to pretend the feelings don't exist but I can't anymore. I can't take this pain anymore that I feel everytime I see you with other women that you keep going on dates with I don't fucking know why when it's as clear as the day that you don't even like women. But it's not like you will tell me, when have you ever told me anything about you. What do I even know about you?

I can't see you kissing those damned women anymore that you keep kissing in the bars everytime we go, knowing that I'm right there. I'm tired of you and I'm tired of whatever this nameless thing we have going on here.

It tears me apart everytime you introduce me as just a friend, a fucking brother to your mother, to your friends, to literally everyone who knows of my existence in your circle. It makes me want to kill myself everytime you touch me in ways I only let you, when I know you're going to go and fuck some other bitch on the same fucking night. I'm so tired of being your dirty little secret, taehyung." Jungkook sounded frustrated, and on the verge of tears but he couldn't let himself cry in a moment like this, he couldn't show weakness.

"You.. love me? But why.. why jungkook? It wasn't anything serious.. it's not like we are in a relationship or something." Taehyung said, even saying that felt wrong on his tongue but what else could he even say.

"Right. Yeah we aren't in a relationship, I know that. But what exactly are we, taehyung?" Jungkook questioned and the elder looked away to some random wall as he answered, "f-friends. We are friends, jungkook. What kind of question is that?" Stop lying to yourself. Taehyung ignored that voice like he always did, it's for the better.

"Friends? What kind of friends fuck every single fucking day? What kind of friends kiss every chance they get? Talk all night while cuddling each other with no clothes on? Say 'i wish you were a girl it would've been easier'? Is this what you call you friendship? Just how many people do you have such friendships with then, taehyung. Tell me? Do you do all these with all of your friends." Jungkook sounded devastated and taehyung had half a mind to leave this conversation in the middle but he didn't.

"No. No ofcourse not, jungkook. You're.. you're special. Very special to me. But why do we have to complicate things.. you.. you don't love me, you're just saying that.. you don't. You can't love me you know I'm not.. you know I'm not.. that. I can't be with a man. I don't.. I'm not.. just why can't we keep things the way they're, jungkook please. I swear I'll stop going on those dates and I'll never even step a foot into the bar." His words were all jumbled, he could barely find the words to describe what he wanted to say. He was never much of a talker anyways.

"You're not what? Queer? Gay? Guess what, taehyung. I'm fucking gay. You might choose to pretend that I'm not but I am and look at you, you can't even say the damn word. Kissing and fucking another gay man every other day, and you're trying to tell me that you're not gay?" Jungkook harshly wiped the tear that left one of his eyes when taehyung flinched when he said that word.

"Stop. STOP. Don't. Don't call me that. I'm not. I'll never be. I'M NORMAL. I AM. I AM FUCKING NOT. Jungkook.. I.. no." Taehyung was shivering as he stepped back once again but there was a wall, if it was possible he'd let the wall swallow him with how small and disgusted he felt with himself at the moment.

"So you're saying that you're straight? Is that what you mean by 'normal'?" Jungkook chuckled bitterly as he mocked the word and made air quotes and taehyung nodded immediately.

"Yes. I'm normal. I'm straight. I don't.. I don't like men. This is just.. a fun thing. It doesn't.. I don't.. i don't like men, jungkook." Taehyung was fumbling his words, he could hear his own heartbeat in his ears as he clawed on his chest with one hand.

"Then what? So you're just going to live your whole life with a woman, you're going to marry a woman and make yours and her life as miserable as you made mine if not worse? Is that what you're planning to do? You're going to force yourself to live a whole life of nothing but pretense?" Jungkook was fuming as taehyung looked down, humiliated.

"If that's what it takes me to be normal again then yeah. Yeah I'll do that."

"Normal. That's funny. You're never going to admit this to yourself, are you?"

"I'd rather leave this world than admit this feeling." Taehyung said at last and Jungkook sighed, his head hanging down in disappointment.

"I have my answer, taehyung. This is it. I never want to see your face again. Please leave." And the man didn't want to fight anymore, knowing he had fucked up just like always as he nodded and walked towards the door wordlessly to leave but just when he was about to step out he turned around just once.

And he saw those pair of eyes, the ones filled with tears, the eyes filled with nothing but pain and betrayal, the eyes that were going to haunt him for the rest of his life and with that he stepped out of his house and his life.

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