Hopeless - (Bellamy Blake - Book 2)

Chapter 28.

I head back to Bellamy's room and grab the handgun I had left in there, folding it into the back waistband of my pants. Just in case.

When I turn to leave, I open the door and freeze, seeing Raven on the other side.

"Finn said you'd be here." She says and pushes her way inside the room.

I clench my jaw and shut the door, turning to face her.

"We need to talk." She says determinedly.

"I have nothing to say to you." I say calmly.

"Bull." She scoffs. "You wanna yell at me, I know you do. So, go ahead." She suddenly hesitates. "But before you do...you should know that Bellamy didn't want to do anything that night. I convinced him to. I...didn't know how you felt about him, I only guessed how he felt about you, and...I was right." She says the last part quietly, as if ashamed.

Good. She should be.

I lean down on the crutches, watching her closely. She shifts under my gaze, but continues,

"I told him you were a heartless bitch who doesn't care about anyone else but herself." I raise an eyebrow at her, and she nods at me. "But I only said it because I was pissed at you. I didn't think he would do anything after that but...he did."

"Clearly." I snide.

"I didn't do it to hurt you, Chris." She says. "I was hurt because of Finn." She shakes her head. "I don't know what Bellamy's reasoning was. We...never talked about it again." When I say nothing, she pushes. "Well? Say something. Yell something."

"Why do you want me to yell at you, Raven?" I ask, my eyes narrowing. "Is it gonna make everything okay between us? Is it gonna make you feel better about yourself?"

"No." She whispers.

"Then I have nothing to say to you." I turn to leave again.

"Wait!" She pulls on my arm to get me to stop. I glare at her and pull it free, tapping my crutch back on the floor.

"What?" I snap. "What do you want, Raven?"

"Chris..." She shakes her head at me, her voice thick. "I'm sorry."

"For what part?" I say quietly. "For sleeping with him, or for not telling me?"

"Both." She whispers.

I shake my head and look away from her, clenching my jaw as I feel more tears start to form.

God, I can't remember when I last cried so much.

"You're supposed to be my best friend, Raven." I say quietly. "You saw how close we were—you said it yourself back at the Dropship, that Bellamy cared about me—"

"He does!" She cuts in, stepping closer. "He does care about you—"

"Then why did you do it?!" I yell, my eyes turning hard as I look at her. "Why did he do it?!"

"We were mad at you!" She yells back. "We were both so pissed off with you, okay? He didn't go looking for it, Chris, it just-it just happened! Okay? He was mad—"

I shake my head at her. "That's bullshit. When you're pissed at someone, you ignore them, or you confront them. You don't betray them like this."

Raven blinks and nods her head slowly. "Is that what happened then? When you got locked up?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" I sigh.

"You." Raven snaps. "In lock up, refusing to see us on visitation days. Because that's where all this starts between us."

I scoff and roll my eyes. "Alright, so we're back to this bullshit."

"It's not bullshit—"

"Yes, it is, Raven!" I shout at her. "It's a bullshit excuse you keep telling yourself and me because you can't admit that you and Finn gave up on me!"

"We never gave up on you." She shakes her head, tears streaking down her face. "Not once."

"Yeah?" I ask. "Until you saw me in the woods walking away from your trashed radio, right?"

She stays silent, and I know I'm right.

"Yeah." I nod. "That's what I thought." I clench my jaw and intake a deep breath. "I don't know why we keep bothering, Raven. It's clear that we're just kidding ourselves."

"What'd you mean?" She asks, frowning.

"Us." I look at her with as much seriousness as I can muster. "We keep kidding ourselves and we keep getting hurt." I shrug. "Let's just face it, we're not friends anymore. We were once, a long time ago, but people change. And we're just too different now to continue on like this."

"Like, what?" She says with a frown. "Friends fight, Chris—"

"Well, I'm tired of it!" I shout. "I am sick of going back and forth between apologies and fights and make ups and this."

"So, what?" She shrugs. "You're saying...we shouldn't be friends anymore?"

I swallow past the lump in my throat. "We haven't been friends in four years. This is just us confirming it."

Raven looks as if I just slapped her, and honestly...this entire argument would have hurt a lot less if I had just done that to start with.

She nods her head slowly, a tear rolling down her cheek. "And there it is." She laughs to herself. "Chris Carter, pushing away the people that care about her...yet again."

"I'm not pushing you away." I shake my head. "You did this. You and him."

Raven blinks slowly at me, and her voice comes out quiet as she says, "And who drove us together in the first place? You did."

"You're both grown ass people." I growl out, stepping closer to her. "You knew what you were doing, so don't you dare stand there and tell me you fucked him just because I pissed you both off, I do that constantly."

Raven starts to speak, but I cut her off.

"You know what the funniest part is though? You were so pissed about Finn and Clarke hooking up behind your back, so you went and did the exact same thing to me." I shake my head at her. "Well the cycle ends here. I'm done with this. We're done." I step away from her and turn to leave the room. "Unless our lives are in danger, don't bother talking to me again."

"Chris. Chris!" Raven says sharply, repeating my name over and over again as if I'll actually stop and listen to her.