When (he)arts Prevail

17

Brian and Kaylee were the last ones to leave Mike and Johanna's house. Conversation was flowing and they were all having a good time. Sometimes in a large group, it was difficult to have an actual conversation without someone interrupting or asking for something. So, finding the place quieter, they talked nonstop.

Brian and Mike were like two peas in a pod, and after Nate's death, they grew even closer.

However, it was getting late and Johanna could no longer keep up like before. She excused herself from the remaining group and headed upstairs. Without Johanna there, Brian and Mike went on talking and Kaylee started to feel sleepy, not able to hide her yawns.

Eventually, they called it a night and Kaylee left with Brian. He was her ride, after all.

Five minutes into their drive home, the music playing softly in the speakers, Brian asked, "So, what was that about tonight?" For a split second, Kaylee thought he was mentioning something about he and Alyssa, but upon seeing the confusion on her face, he added, "The photos, your art, you looking like you were about to throw up."

"Oh. That."

He sneaked a glance at her. "What's up?"

Kaylee didn't know how to explain it without having to mention some things she didn't know she was ready to say out loud yet.

She let out a deep sigh.

Brian's hand came to rest on her knee and he gave it a squeeze. "Come on. You know you can tell me anything." He pulled his hand away before Kaylee could process it.

He was right, though. If there was anyone Kaylee would discuss this with, it would be Brian. "I found the admission letter the other day."

She saw Brian's forehead furrow.

"New York."

Realization and understanding showed on his face. "Are you considering..."

"Applying again?"

"Hum-hum."

She shook her head, although he couldn't see, focused as he was on the road. "Can't... Age restrictions. But no. I just... I miss it."

Brian didn't fill the silence that followed. He gave her time and space to continue if she wanted to. And she realized that she did.

"You know... I haven't created anything since Nate..." She still wasn't able to say it. "Whenever I try to pick up a pen or open the app on my computer, I just freeze. I have nothing in me."

Another shaky sigh left Kaylee's lips.

"I don't know why, but it reminds me of him. Of how he was always pushing for me to get better, to practice, to do this and do that..." She trailed off, not really knowing where she was going with this.

Kaylee didn't think Brian was going to say anything else, but his voice cut through the the silence after a minute. "You know," he told her, "the first few months after Nate passed away, I couldn't even look at my guitars. I stacked them all in my spare bedroom, inside the closet so I didn't have to see them. It was because of him I first picked up a guitar."

Kaylee looked up at Brian with a sad smile. "How did you get back at it?"

"I just did. I missed playing too much and it is my escape. When I need to let some things out of my chest, that's how I do it. It hurt like hell back then, but one day, I just grabbed the guitar and played. I'm not even sure I played an actual song. I think it was just random chords," he said, chuckling softly.

Kaylee felt better knowing she wasn't alone in this. Maybe she should do as Brian and just get to it without thinking too much. Maybe that's what was missing in her life. Maybe that's why she didn't feel happy.

"Thank you for sharing this," Kaylee said. Brian didn't reply but his fingers found her knee again, his touch warm and meant only for comfort. The gesture was enough to bring emotions to the surface. "I miss him," she added a moment later, her voice wavering.

Brian's hand found hers in her lap and he laced their fingers together. "I know."

Kaylee shuddered and he tightened his grip.

"I miss him, too."

This time he didn't let go.