✧˚ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒅𝒐𝒍

5

as soon as ayato stumbled through the door of his home, it was as though the ground beneath him had shifted, leaving him unsteady and disoriented. the familiar surroundings of his house blurred at the edges, his vision swimming with a dizzying mix of thoughts and emotions. he barely made it to his room, fumbling with the handle before pushing the door shut behind him. his body collapsed against the door, a low groan escaping his lips as he pressed the back of his head against the cool wood, trying to ground himself.

his hand instinctively rose to his forehead, only to flinch at the burning heat radiating from his skin. it was as if he was aflame from the inside out, his whole body slick with sweat, as though he'd been running a marathon in the scorching summer sun. he couldn't understand what was happening to him—this feverish sensation that had taken over his mind and body. in a frantic attempt to cool down, ayato hastily stripped off his school uniform, the buttons of his shirt popping open under his trembling fingers before he let the fabric fall to the ground in a crumpled heap. he was left in nothing but his boxers, yet still, he couldn't escape the heat that clung to him.

panting heavily, his heart pounded so violently in his chest that it felt like it might burst through his ribs. every beat was a painful reminder of the strange turmoil inside him, a turmoil that had only intensified since that moment in the hallway with y/n. the memory of her wide eyes, the way her breath had mingled with his, the soft flush of her cheeks—it all replayed in his mind like a vivid dream, one that he couldn't escape no matter how hard he tried.

his legs gave out beneath him, sending him crashing to his knees. the carpet beneath him offered little comfort, its rough texture only heightening his awareness of his vulnerability. crawling weakly toward the center of his room, ayato collapsed onto the floor, rolling onto his back to stare blankly up at the ceiling. he could barely think straight, his mind consumed by a singular, haunting image—y/n.

she was everywhere. in the way his heart raced uncontrollably, in the way his skin prickled with heat, in the way his breath hitched every time he remembered the soft sound of her voice. he couldn't shake the memory of her expression, so close and so vulnerable. the way her eyes had locked onto his, the brief yet intense connection that had sparked between them. it had felt like electricity, jolting him to life and leaving him stunned and breathless.

and now, as he lay there, his body trembling with exhaustion and confusion, ayato found himself grappling with a truth that he was terrified to acknowledge. what was this feeling that had taken hold of him? why did his heart ache so intensely whenever he thought of her?

what did her image refuse to leave his mind, like a persistent ghost haunting his every thought?

the realization crept up on him slowly, insidiously, until it was impossible to ignore. it clawed at him, making his chest tighten and his stomach churn. could it be that he was...falling for y/n?

the idea was absurd, yet it was the only explanation that made sense. it wasn't just a passing attraction or a fleeting interest. this was something far deeper, far more dangerous—a pull, an irresistible force that was drawing him toward her, making him yearn for something he couldn't even name. the thought of it terrified him.

for as long as ayato could remember, he had been numb—an empty vessel going through the motions of life. he had learned to mimic emotions, to wear the mask of normalcy so perfectly that no one ever suspected the truth. on the outside, he seemed just like everyone else, but inside, there was nothing.

no joy, no sadness, no anger—just a void where his feelings should have been. it wasn't something that bothered him, not really. he had accepted it long ago, made peace with the fact that he was different, that he was broken in a way that couldn't be fixed.

it wasn't as bad as it might sound. the absence of emotions meant the absence of pain, of confusion, of chaos. he could see things clearly, rationally, without the cloud of feelings to obscure his judgment.

so why was it that all of this was suddenly thrown out the window and disregarded? why was it that, in the span of just a few heartbeats, y/n had managed to shatter the carefully constructed walls he had spent years building? why was it that, with one accidental touch, she had awakened something inside him that he didn't even know existed?

as he lay on the floor, sweat still dripping from his brow, ayato's mind raced, trying to make sense of what was happening to him. his heart still pounded furiously in his chest, a relentless reminder of the chaos that had taken root within him. he couldn't shake the image of y/n from his mind—her soft expression, her warm breath against his skin, the way her eyes had locked onto his with an intensity that had sent shivers down his spine.

it was as though she had reached into the emptiness inside him and ignited a spark, a flicker of something that he had never felt before. and now, that spark was growing, spreading like wildfire through his entire being, consuming him from the inside out. he tried to push it away, to force himself back into the numbness that had always been his sanctuary, but it was no use.

the more he tried to resist it, the stronger it became, until it was all he could think about.

he was spiraling, losing control, and for the first time in his life, he didn't know how to stop it. the realization hit him like a punch to the gut—his world had been irrevocably altered by that one brief encounter. everything he had known, everything he had accepted about himself was now in question. the void that had once been his refuge was now filled with something new, something terrifying.

what was this feeling? was it really...love? the thought sent another wave of fear crashing over him. how could he love someone when he didn't even know how to feel? how could he let someone in when all he had ever known was emptiness? the questions swirled in his mind, relentless and unforgiving, until he thought he might lose his grip on reality entirely.

and yet, despite the fear, despite the confusion, there was a part of him— a small, fragile part— that didn't want to let go. that wanted to hold onto this feeling, whatever it was, and explore it further. to see where it would lead, even if it meant stepping into the unknown, even if it meant risking everything. ayato closed his eyes, trying to steady his breathing, trying to calm the storm inside him. but the image of y/n was still there, seared into his mind, a constant reminder that his life would never be the same again.

he was falling, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.