For Shits and Giggles [2024]

Chapter 20

Felix sat with his back against a tree, just outside of the barracks. He was listening passively to his mates talking behind him. They were walking about this or that, but he wasn't paying attention. He was too focused on the envelopes in his hand.

He pulled out the first letter:

"To my husband,

I just love how those words look on the page. To my husband. My wonderful husband.

My husband. My husband. My husband.

I miss you so much.

Paola and Gracie came over again this week. I made your favorite, honey lavender cake. Not too sweet, just how you like it. It made me feel closer to you. They really seemed to enjoy it too. I think I'm getting better at it. Baking, I mean. I can't wait for you to come home and see how much I've improved.

How is it over there for you? Are you okay? Do you need anything? I hope the care package I sent made it to you alright. I included those chips you like! The really spicy ones. Yuck. Don't eat them all yourself, or you'll get sick! I put enough in there, so share with the other boys okay?

I love you and think about you every day. I'm so lucky.

Your wife,

Fior ♡ "

He folded it neatly and slipped it back into its pastel yellow envelope, very careful not to tear it. It was the most precious thing to him out here. He was going to write her back soon, but he wouldn't mention the extra miles his unit ran as punishment. Or the extra push ups they all did. Care packages weren't allowed in basic, especially not ones addressed to "the strongest, bravest man I know".

He never did get to eat those chips, they were confiscated.

He read the next letter.

"Dear Felix,

This is so bad. I shouldn't be writing you.

Do you miss me at all? What an awful question to ask a married man right.

I can't believe you're married... I mean, duh. I know you are. But when I think about you, it's just so different. Fior's Felix is gentle and kind and so sweet it makes my teeth hurt. He wouldn't hurt a fly. My Felix... oh, my Felix is horny and adventurous and crude, and so sexy. It's hard to think of you as the same man... in fact, you're not the same man, are you? You're Private Feliqs now, a rough and gruff soldier fighting to defend our oil... or whatever it is you're training for out there. My Feliqs. :)

I'm just teasing. We're still terrible aren't we though, Feliqs? Does adultery only count as a sin when you're the one who's married? What about me, I'm not married? But hey, we haven't actually had sex since before the wedding. So is it technically even adultery... it's just a little flirting.

By the way. Do you remember Santiago? He finally kissed me last week. Although, the poor idiot was so drunk I doubt he even remembers. I was drunk too. I would've asked him out, but I lost my nerve. Maybe it's better that way. Why should I be the one to do it? He knows I like him... I mean, he has to. Right?

Ugh...men. Hehe.

xoxo,

Gracie"

Felix brought the letter close to his face, it smelled like her perfume. It was intoxicating. He smiled, knowing she'd done it on purpose. He pictured her, holding a half-empty perfume bottle at exactly the right distance—not too close, so to not overwhelm or stain the paper, just enough to mist her scent.

Inside the envelope was something else. Her photograph—it was a polaroid, written on the bottom: "To the private I wish would touch my privates. :]"

Gracie was laying on her bed, naked except for the bright, red bow on her head. The photo was tasteful: one arm held the camera, the other was gently draped against her bare chest for cover. Her legs were crossed so he couldn't see between them. He wanted to pry those legs open, but instead, he brought the photo to his face and inhaled. Perfume.

He heard footsteps approaching and put the photo in his jacket pocket safely.

"Did you hear," Felix's bunkmate plopped down next to him. "We're getting shipped sooner than we thought."

"What," Felix asked, looking at him. "Can't be... what about advanced training?"

"I don't know man," he was chewing on a granola bar, "I heard it's getting real bad over there."

"Can they even do that to us?"

The man shrugged, "I reckon they can do whatever they want with us. Cogs in a machine and all that, they own us."

He gave Felix's shoulder a sympathetic squeeze then stood. Felix watched him as he left. He took out a pen and paper and wrote.

"To my beautiful wife, Gracie,"

Felix sucked in a breath and crumpled the paper.

"To my beautiful wife, Fior,

I miss you more than you know."