For Shits and Giggles [2024]

Chapter 22

"Russell," Felix yelled, kneeling over his bunkmate's body and shaking him by the shoulders. The rain was falling heavy and he could barely hear himself yell. "Russell, I swear to God— fucking, shit, piece of shit, fucker...WAKE UP!"

Russell was dead. The upper half of his skull had been blown off, he was missing a hand. Felix couldn't tell if it was brains or something else oozing out of the empty eye socket.

"Don't leave me like this," Felix sobbed, violently shaking Russell as if somehow that would bring his friend back to life. He didn't want to leave him here. Without Russell, Felix wouldn't have made it this far, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

When Felix had confessed everything to Ruseell, there was no judgment. He'd only said, "Most of us miserable shits can't even get one woman, and you've got two? Choose one, or you'll lose both."

Admittedly, it wasn't the best advice. It wasn't so simple. He had already made a choice, long ago. He'd chosen Gracie. He would've left Fior in a heartbeat. But the choice wasn't just his. Gracie hadn't chosen him back. But now—now he couldn't imagine a life without Fior. He couldn't imagine leaving her.

But how long had he waited to hear those words from Gracie.

To hear, "I love you, Felix. My Felix. I choose you."

Felix forced himself upright and stumbled forward, his boots squelching loudly in the mud. He'd been shot in the thigh and the adrenaline was starting to wear off. Three of his fingers were broken at the knuckles, one eye was swollen shut, and his ears were ringing. The pain was immeasurable. Felix could do nothing except force one foot in front of the other and move.

But there was nowhere to move. There was nowhere to go. He'd stumble a couple feet and immediately catch a bullet in his head— and that was the best-case scenario. His squad had been ambushed in their camp, half way through their post-victory celebration (consisting mostly of bitter alcohol and stale saltine crackers). They weren't just being killed. They were being mocked, tormented, and played with.

Felix spotted Russell's body amidst the chaos. He managed to haul him toward a small, muddy hill. They fell and rolled down until crashing into the thick trunk of an Olive tree. Here, Felix thought he could save him. But any minute now they'd be found. Felix couldn't run, couldn't call for help, Russell was gone— he was done for.

At least here, his secrets would die with him. The guilt, the confusion, it would all end here. Felix collapsed with a soft grunt, laying parallel to Russell's corpse. He was exhausted, his body welcomed the rest immediately. He reached for Russell's cold, pale hand (the one that hadn't been blown off), and he held it tightly. He turned to look at what was left of his bunkmate's face. Staring back was a hollow, broken carcass.

"Now, I won't have to choose," Felix said to him, he laughed weakly and turned to look up at the sky. It was dark, the heavy rain drops didn't let him see past his nose. But the coolness felt good on his swollen face. He revelled the feeling of drifitng away.

Then, suddenly, the rain froze in the sky.

His body didn't hurt anymore, the fogginess in his head had cleared. He couldn't hear the screaming anymore— the begging and pleading for mercy from the rest of his squad. Everything was still. This is what it feels like to die, Felix thought, enjoying the calmness. It was bliss, the sudden contrast between pure exhaustion and then nothingness. There was no pain, no fear, no regret. There was nothing.

He knew to enjoy this moment because soon, very soon, he would find himself in Hell atoning for his sins. Would there really be an angel waiting for him at the Gates of Heaven to pass judgment? Would he get to apologize, plead his case and show true remorse before God?

Instead, God came to him. Or so he thought.

That's when he heard Her voice.

"Do you really wish to die?"

Before he could answer, there was a sudden, blinding burst of light. He closed his eyes tightly, but even through his eyelids, he could see the flash. The brightness materialized into a shape, a figure. A woman, inhumanly tall, hovered above him. When the light began to fade, he noticed her deep skin and white hair blowing in some invisible wind. Her eyes were golden, or maybe they were just two stars barreling down toward the Earth. Felix couldn't tell.

"Are you... God," Felix asked. He wasn't sure if he had spoken out loud, or if She'd simply read his mind.

"Some have called me God," She said, her voice soft, smooth like velvet. "I've been called Genie, Faerie, Witch, Leprechaun."

Felix squinted, he would've laughed if he had the energy, "You... don't look like a Leprechaun..."

"I don't look like anything. I took this form so that you may perceive me."

She must be an angel, Felix thought, ready to take me to His kingdom. Am I forgiven?

"...Am I dead?"

"You are not. Do you wish to be?"

Felix was shocked by his own hesitance. He should've blurted out an answer, he should've begged Her to live, or to die, but he didn't.

"I don't think so..."

"Make a deal with me."

"A deal?"

"Yes. I will save your life. In return, you will invite me into your town," a wicked smile spread across her face.

"...I don't understand," said Felix.

"A soul must welcome me into their world, before I can interact with other human souls. So in exchange for your life, welcome me into your world."

"M..my world..?"

"Where do you live, child?"

"Um... I live... um," he was disoriented, unsure of what was up or what was down. "Pleasantwood... New York..."

"Then, invite me into Pleasantwood."

None of this made sense to Felix, his head began to spin, "Russell... can you save Russell," he asked.

She turned her head from side to side, her hair flowing like a flower moving through molasses, "Your friend is already dead."

Felix could feel his breathing quicken, he tried hard not to hyperventilate.

Russell's really dead. That could've been me. That was almost me.

When Felix didn't respond, She continued.

"Make the deal with me, and I'll make sure you and your friends never suffer the loss of Death again. You will wake up every morning, alive and well."

Maybe it was the tiredness, maybe it was the immense pain of Russell's death, but Felix began to nod. She really was an angel, She would help him. More importantly, She would make sure he'd never lose anyone else again. Not Russell, not Gracie, not anyone,

"Deal," he said.

A thin smile spread across Her cheeks, pure light bleeding from between her teeth. The woman swooped in closely, so quickly that Felix had no chance to react. Her light emanated so intensely his eyeballs began to melt. He could feel his flesh start to bubble and boil. "Deal," she whispered. Felix screamed in agony.

The deal was sealed with a kiss.