Temptation (Simon Riley x OC reader)

21. (Actual chapter)

[Hello, my loves.
I know I have been gone for a very long time and you've been waiting on me to post again.
Well, the time has come!
I hope you can forgive my disappearance.]

[Now before you read this, BEWARE. There will be inexplicit mentioning of SA (sexual assault), substance abuse and mental health problems. If you feel uncomfortable, do NOT continue reading.]

[I hope you're all safe and I love you lots.]
[Enjoy!]

-Senpai.

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Mind clouded, heart sunken, body frozen. I was a statue. Standing tall and straighter than a ruler in the conference room. So much noise, yet so quiet at the same time. Too quiet. My brain continued to replay what had happened in the past twenty four hours. From the minor details to the major ones, nothing escaped my scrutiny.

But I still could not quite put my finger on that last missing piece, the tassel that would complete this god forsaken puzzle of lost memories and confused thoughts.

I knew what I felt, I knew what it meant for us. For me. I knew it was real, I knew how my body burned for his touch once more, yearning for his eyes to settle on me for just another minute.

'Mama...'

God, no. Please don't do this again.

'Mama, are you listening...?'

Get out of my head.

'Mama, don't leave me here...!'

Shut up...

'Mama, but I love you...!'

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

"SHUT UP."

My voice came out like more of a desperate cry than a command, but the room fell silent nonetheless. The team around me glanced at me for barely a moment, until someone answered.

"Are you alright, Kat?"

The Captain. Of course he would ask something like that after being screamed at to quit talking.

"Ahem... I'm fine, Captain. I apologize, I was lost in thought."

His gruff voice let out a distrustful hum, waving his hand to the door as if shooing me away like a fly.

"Take a walk outside. Get some air, soldier."

I gritted my teeth in frustration, though I could do nothing but obey. The room seemed to have gotten all too small for so many people, the air saturated, choking me silently

I felt eyes burning holes in the back of my head as I walked out, hesitant to face the the cancer eating away at my conscience. Alone.

The air outside was bitingly cold, stinging my exposed skin, crawling into my bones. Yet I felt numb to it all. That haunting voice in the back of my head, coming out at my weak moments to remind me of the monster I had once been. Or, had been framed as.

There were no other options. No other escape doors for me to run through, what more was I supposed to do?

Wrong question.

What more was I expected to do?

Wouldn't they have understood me, if they had listened? Wouldn't they have done the same? Was I really such a demon?

'How could you.'

Yeah, how could I.

'You have no shame.'