Rainy Days

2

After a couple of weeks, my body feels stronger, but my heart is still very much broken. I hardly leave the house, since I don't want anyone to document my swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep every night. I barely get out of bed, my hair is a mess, and I haven't worn make up since the day it happened. Many may say my reaction is normal, but I'm not quite sure. My will to live has disappeared and I know it's taking a toll in our relationship. As always, he has been by my side, like he promised, trying to be supportive and loving, while I close my gates to everything and everyone.

The weather has been dreary lately, like mimicking my own feelings. Dark and gray, filled with fog and scattered storms. Makes me wonder if I'm ever going to see the sun again. Today, after breakfast, I linger by the living room, noticing everything has been tidied up. No dust, no unfluffed pillows, nothing out of place. Yoongi has been keeping everything ready for when I decide to return, to come back to him, to be myself again. A floral scent also fills out the room. Lilies... I can tell our house smells like our daughter.

I press my hand to the window overlooking the river. My forehead touches the glass and a jolt of coldness runs through my spine. I feel his eyes following my moves, since today is the first day I didn't go back to bed immediately after I nibbled a piece of bread and fruit. I can see the sky turning darker, rain approaching. A rumble of thunder makes the glass vibrate under my fingertips. The river looks murkier, almost a deep brown color, which I dislike. Thick drops start falling from the sky, almost rhythmically, creating a beat when they crash onto the window. Then, while I watch the drops fall in a continuous race, a shooting pain makes me fold in half. I breath deep, knowing these pains are the remnants of my body reminding me I was once getting ready to be a mother.

I feel his arms around me, holding me from behind, not letting me fall to ground. He steadies himself when I put my weight against him, trying to ease the pain. I count to ten, but I can still feel like I'm getting stabbed hundreds of times. The pain becomes so unbearable I let myself fall to the floor, where I meet him again, now cushioning my fall, like he has been doing since it happened. Slowly, I feel the pain fading away, but his grip is tighter than ever. I draw a tiny smile on my lips, which doesn't go unnoticed.

"Feeling better?" he asks while I reposition myself in his arms.

"Yeah... thank you..." I say getting comfortable.

"Should we call the doctor?" he asks, oblivious of what's happening right now.

"Shh..." I reply, burying my face on his neck and grabbing his face with my hand.

Another rumble of thunder and we are now lost in a kiss so deep it feels like we are trying to recover all the time lost these past few weeks. His arms, around me tightly, don't move, just hold me against his body, making me very aware of his heartbeat. I hold his face between my hands, while our lips try to find that lost connection we once had. I have never kissed him like this and he knows it. There's no lust or desire, but I can taste sadness and sorrow. He tastes my guilt like I taste his grief. But it's the most beautiful kiss we have ever shared. Suddenly, the smell of lilies is overwhelming, making us both stop and look at each other.

"I swear, I only got a scented candle..." he quickly shares.

"I like it..." I lie.

"Thank you..." he continues. "For this... I missed you..."

"I missed you too..." I reply gripping his t-shirt.

In a sudden move, he lifts me up and brings me to the couch. I'm now sitting on his lap, him bringing me closer, gently. His hands, tangled in my hair, are now guiding me with subtle movements, to pull closer and meet his lips. He starts slowly, tasting the waters, trying to cautiously test me. To see if I'm okay with what is happening. And I am, I truly am. I've missed his plump and soft lips on mine, his tongue exploring my mouth, his hands pulling me closer... I want him. I let him set the pace and we make out for a few minutes, when, almost out of breath, we continue, now deeper and more passionately. I can feel our lips raw, almost bleeding, almost numb, but we can't stop. My hands are holding him from the nape of his neck, and one of his is still buried in my hair and the other is on my back, supporting me so I don't fall back.