Rainy Days

6

I sit on the edge of the bed with my face buried in my hands. I'm crying silently, just letting my tears flood the palms of my hands, while Yoongi is knocking on the door relentlessly. I don't want to open the door; I don't want to see him. His words hurt me deeply, and I still feel the sting in my heart. Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but he knows, I still have a fresh wound that's struggling to heal. I look up and see his shadow from under the door frame. He hasn't moved from there since I closed the door, and I know for sure he'll stay there until I let him in. But this time is different. I don't want to see him, I don't want to hold him closer, I'm hurt, I'm angry, and I want him to go away.

"Please... open the door, Brie..." he says with his raspy voice. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you..."

"But you did..."

"I'm not leaving until we talk..." he continues.

"Leave me alone..."

"Brie... please..." he pledges with his voice breaking. "I made such a stupid mistake and I took it out on you... you don't deserve that... I'm sorry..."

I stand up and open the door slightly. He tries to barge in, but I hold the doorknob tight so he can't push anymore. I can see his eyes are swollen and his cheeks are red. Both from crying and for being drunk. He looks at me, asking for forgiveness, but I can't let it go.

"Brie... please..." he says running his fingers through his hair.

"Go wash up, Yoongi... and get some sleep... I bet you'll be busy tomorrow, trying to fix what happened..." I command trying to close the door again, but he slides his foot in and prevents me from closing it.

"I love you, Brie... what I said was out of line... you've been through so much..." he says apologetically.

"I need time, Yoongi..." I finally say.

"Time? What do you mean you need time?" he says now with inquisitive eyes.

"Time to think... about what you said to me..."

"Brie... I'm sorry! I fucked up, okay? Give me a fucking break!" he says now walking away from the door. "This whole situation has been hard on me too! And I've been trying to be as supportive as I can... but you shut me off, Brie! For days! he yells. "You closed every fucking door and you didn't let me help you until recently! And I promised myself I would be there for you, that I would care for you and that I would do my best to make you feel better! But you didn't want my support! Up until this past afternoon I really thought I was going to lose you, that you were going to break up with me, fuck... I thought you were going to leave me any day..." he stops pacing the floor. "I drank a few beers, thinking it would make me feel better about myself, but you know what? It got worse! Because I could only think about Lily and how the due date is fast approaching..." he sobs. "I fucked up! I said a stupid thing and I hurt you... but you hurt me first, Brie... when you didn't let me help you when we lost her, when you made me feel like a stranger..." he sobs.

"Yoongi..." I say opening the door and walking towards him.

"My heart is broken too, Brie! Can't you see that? I made a fucking mistake tonight, and I hurt you and I can't forgive myself for doing that..." he says walking to the living room window. "I've been so stupid... I thought I was strong enough to be there for you and brush everything else off..."

"Yoongi, look at me..." I ask getting closer to him.

"No... I can't bear the idea of looking into your eyes right now... I promised I was going to take care of you... And there I go and ruin everything for both of us..." he continues. "I fucking hate myself..."