LOVE IS PATHETIC

Chapter Eleven

3 months later
"Hyung just ask her out already what's with all this. You had sex with her three months ago and when your make up artist got better you hated her. Call her to know how she is. She's different she's not like her bro." V said to me what I already knew.

I couldn't get her out of my head and whenever I think about that night goodness I still get hard and I've never cum that much in my life. I orgasmed and saw nothing but white in my vision I shacked and shivered trembling with the spams even remembering it still makes me shiver. We agreed to remain friends but it's been killing me. We have a movie night tonight and although am going as a "friend" (jeeez that word makes me cringe) I still take it as a date.

I pulled up at her place and what she wore made me want to fuck her and forget about the movie. It was a movie in a park with people staying in the car. What is this not that am complaining but how Jimin keeps finding places still amaze me. "We need to talk," I stated turning to look at her. She had her bottom lip I'm her teeth and it looked seductive as hell. "Let me get this straight let's fuck again." I told her hoping she'd say yes. "It was a one time thing Suga nothing else no feelings attached so no we can't," I felt my heart sink. "What do you want kitten, what do you want for is to fuck again talk to me. Are you saying you don't want it? Am I the only one who wants this because honestly I can't be your friend that word makes me mad." I said inching closer to her. "I can't say I don't want it but I am sticking to the rules we had set. It was a one time thing with no feelings attached and I can't lie because I like you. I don't want us to be a fling or fuck buddies worse I don't want a friends with benefit with you. I can't I deserve better, love and feelings and a serious relationship which I have accepted you can't give me so if this friends thing is not working out let's end it. We're only hurting ourselves with it." She couldn't even look me in the eyes when she said those words. It's true what she wants I can't give her and I hate that she's right and this so called friendship is only making us crazy.

"Okay, I'm gonna respect your decision don't worry I won't bring up this issue again. Hope you find that pathetic love of yours," I couldn't help but sneer at her."Pathetic such a magical beautiful thing you called pathetic. My goodness how wrong I was hoping that at least you felt it too."she ran her hand on her face breathed out but I couldn't quite get it right." Did you get feelings for me if what you said is correct,"I had to be sure. "What's the point even if I did you'll think am pathetic too. You're right it was a no feelings attached to situation but the way you treated me God I couldn't help it. Don't worry I won't bother you with it. I'll handle my feelings on my own now if you don't mind I'm trying to watch a movie here." She reached for the snacks at the back seat and concentrated on the movie I'm sure she wasn't even watching.

Did she really fall in love with me or I just don't get it."It's not that I hadn't loved before I did. Back then I had a girlfriend of three years. I did odd jobs to meet her needs. I sacrificed, I saved up. Took her to nice places spoiled her to her favorite things. All the time I invested in her, the sacrifices God I gave her my all. One day when I was making a delivery someone ordered chicken and beer to a hotel room. When I took it there I saw my girlfriend on the bed naked and all worked out the guy took the delivery even tipped me and she even looked me in the eye unfazed. When I got back to the station my friend told me he knew about it but was afraid to tell me because I was so gone for her and wouldn't believe him. I believe it's pathetic because it drains you. Someone holds your heart in their hands and can break you anytime it's like you have to be careful around them not to get hurt. You'll loose yourself trying to make it work. Honestly, I don't want to go there again I don't see anything magical or beautiful like you do all I see is constant pain and fear because you know your heart is in someone's heart. It's not all like it is in your books you know. It's never that easy and magical." I sniffed and looked out. Her eyes on me were making the situation worse. I don't know why I felt the need to say all that to her but it's out there everyone knows what she did to me but no one understood the pain she put me through. I sounded pathetic and it's all because of love.

She took my hand and looked me dead in the eye then smiled at me. Her eyes held pain like she felt my pain. I don't want her pity. "How can giving your all make you pathetic. Yes it's not all magical and beautiful even roses have thorns dear. There are good moments and sad moments but that's what makes it more beautiful. Even in books it's not that all perfect although I don't condole cheating. I'm not saying this for myself but please don't let her win. She'll proudly unashamedly say she's the one who killed this side of yours and trust me you're great otherwise I wouldn't have fallen for you. Remember how you felt when she first said yes it was beautiful and you didn't think about your heart being broken. Look at how you treated me that's all great. You were hurt but we learn from it and it makes us better ourselves. Take your time and figure yourself out. Be selfish for once and take a moment with yourself. Now the movie is ended without us," her smile is still beautiful as always.

I squeezed her hand and drove her to her place. That night I thought a lot and didn't know when I fell asleep.