The weight of the world, or at least the weight of my own heart, pressed down on me.
I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, the shadows dancing in the moonlight like phantoms of my own indecision. Was it really Giyuu I liked? Or was it just the comfort of attachment, the familiar warmth of a hand reaching for mine in the darkness?
I didn't want to regret my decision, not this time. I needed to be sure, to untangle the messy threads of my own feelings. But how? The clock ticked relentlessly, each second a tiny hammer striking the anvil of my uncertainty.
Should I go to him? Kiss him again, see if the spark reignited, if the embers of something deeper still glowed beneath the surface? No, that was so stupid.
It was already late night, and my heart was a tangled mess of its own making. I'd created this labyrinth of doubt, and now I was lost within its twisting corridors.
"Damn it," I whispered, the words echoing in the silence of my room. I really didn't know.
____________
I woke up drenched in sweat, my heart hammering in my chest. No nightmare, no terrifying images, but an unsettling heaviness pressed down on me, a sense of unease I couldn't shake. I hadn't even realized I'd fallen asleep.
I stumbled out of my room, only to find Genya just about to knock. He grinned at me, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"Oh, Nemi," he greeted.
"What are you doing here?" I retorted, attempting to sound casual, though my voice trembled.
"Me and my friends are going to hang out! I saw you last night, you didn't look so good. Did you and Giyuu get into a fight?" he asked, his eyes sharp.
"N-no," I stammered. "And I don't want to hang out today."
He raised a skeptical eyebrow, a knowing smile on his lips. "Do you like Giyuu, Nemi?"
My blood ran cold. I froze, my hand hovering over the doorknob.
"I don't know," I managed to say.
"Come on, you probably do," he said, turning to leave, his voice laced with a playful arrogance.
"Fuck," I muttered under my breath, closing the door with a slam. His words echoed in my head, each one a hammer blow.
Maybe I did like Giyuu. Maybe I was just afraid to admit it.
I was so lost.
________
The clock ticked past 4 pm, the hours flying by in a blur. Time had a way of speeding up when you were caught in a whirlwind of indecision.
What if I just let go of this? What if I pushed away these feelings, never saw Giyuu again? Maybe this confusing mess would eventually fade away.
No. It felt so wrong.
Do I like Giyuu?
Do I like Giyuu?
Do I like Giyuu?
Do I like Giyuu?
The question echoed in my mind, a relentless mantra.
Fuck. If I liked him, I'd know it, wouldn't I? But I was so confused. It was all so foreign, so strange. I'd never even considered the possibility of falling for someone of the same gender before.
What if I said yes and realized soon after that I didn't like him? I'd be a jerk, a total bitch. He would think I was playing with him.
No. No, I couldn't do that.
I needed to stop this, to just... let go. Let it all go.
I was a mess. I couldn't handle this. I couldn't handle him.
A sharp buzz jolted me from my thoughts, the sound piercing the silence of my room.
My phone screen lit up with a notification. I fumbled for it, my heart pounding in my chest. My eyes widened as I read the message.
Fuck...
KANAE
Sanemi, I'm already back in the country. Can we meet up? At [Location]
______
My heart pounded against my ribs, a frantic rhythm that mirrored the tremor in my hands as I reread the message.
Kanae. She was back.
Maybe... seeing her again would answer all my questions. Maybe seeing her, talking to her.
Maybe it would finally tell me if I really did like giyuu, if this wasn't just some kind of confusion, some kind of misguided infatuation.
________
The cafe buzzed with the murmur of conversation and the clinking of silverware, but all I could see was her. Kanae, a vision of grace and warmth, her smile a beacon in the crowded room.
"Sanemi," she said, her voice a soft melody that washed over me, a wave of nostalgia and longing. "It's been a long time."
"Yeah, quite long," I replied, a chuckle escaping my lips. I felt a familiar warmth bloom in my chest, a flicker of the old joy I used to feel in her presence.
I sat beside her, the scent of her perfume, a blend of jasmine and vanilla, filling my senses. "How's the marriage?" I asked, my gaze lingering on her face, trying to absorb every detail, every nuance of her expression.
"Not bad," she said, a hint of sadness lacing her voice. "We don't have much bonding. The man I married, he's all work, no fun. Tired."
"I didn't want to marry him, Sanemi," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "I still like you. And I hoped... I hoped you were still mine, even after we both got married. It's only on paper, anyway."
Silence descended upon us, a heavy weight that pressed down on my chest. Her words, so simple, yet so profound, stirred something deep within me. It felt wrong, this yearning, this longing for something that couldn't be.
Kanae leaned closer, her eyes searching mine, her lips curving into a soft smile. "Sanemi," she whispered, her breath warm against my cheek. "I really do hope... you still feel something for me."
The air thickened with unspoken desire, the scent of jasmine and vanilla swirling around us, a heady mix of longing and regret. Should I kiss her?
The thought sent a shiver down my spine, I still felt those things for her, the fun, the joy, the excitement. But something felt off, a discordant note in the symphony of my emotions.
Before our lips could meet, I stopped her, my hand reaching out to gently touch her cheek. "Kanae," I said, my voice hoarse with emotion. "I'm sorry."
She drew back, her smile fading, replaced by a flicker of sadness.
"I knew it, Sanemi," she said, her voice soft, resigned.
"It's okay. I'm happy you're happy. It's not like... we can be together, right?"
"I'm sorry," I repeated, my heart heavy with regret. "I... I'm leaving, Kanae. I still need to figure things out."
I turned and walked away, her voice a fading echo in the bustling cafe. The scent of jasmine and vanilla lingered in the air, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been.
Now I was sure. Giyuu. It was Giyuu I liked.
_____________
YOU ARE READING
{DROPPED}An Arranged Marriage//(GIYUSANE)
Fanfiction⥤⥤♥︎⥢⥢ Sanemi and Giyuu have been arranged to marry. ⥤⥤♥︎⥢⥢ CHARACTER NOT MINE!!! COVER PHOTO NOT MINE!!
