Saudade

10 (Now)

When Cecilia woke up she immediately felt the anxiety in her stomach. She had to do what needed to be done but she was nervous. She was going to explain herself and tell him everything. She got out of bed and rubbed her eyes, it looked gloomy outside. Walking towards the bathroom when she heard a ding, it was a text from Rui which read his address.

She hopped in the shower, hoping she would go down the drain with the water. She gave her self an "everything shower" she washed her hair, exfoliated and everything. She finds taking long showers relaxing. She defused her curly hair and put on some light makeup. She put on some jeans and a little cropped t shirt, then lathered herself in deodorant and perfume hoping she wouldn't sweat her ass off. She knew she still would.

She took a breath as she grabbed her bag and put on her sneakers, then out the door she went. On the drive there Cecilia did her breathing exercises that Ali had suggested and listened to Chapell Roan's red wine supernova, Cecilia's version of pump up music.

The gps said 15 minutes away. She watched it as every minute passed, each one feeling longer and longer. Eventually she was driving into Apulia. She drove down the main strip and eventually reached a small side street that the gps told her to turn down. She arrived at his house. It was grey stone and had an orange roof, like most of the houses around. It was right by the water, it had a nice view of the dunes. She eventually got the courage to go up to the door. She knocked twice and then once more.

Rui opened the door smiling. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and black jeans. He smelt good, like ocean and coffee. "Hey Cici, come on in." He greeted her. She smiled, stepping in and slid off her sneakers. "This place is gorgeous." Cecilia stated, looking out the back window to the ocean, she could sense his gaze on her. There was a big kitchen, with stone countertops and a window by the sink, a nice kitchen table. In the next room over was a white couch and a wooden coffee table. "Did you do all the interior design?" She asked. "Um.. no I didn't, I actually hired your mom." Rui answered awkwardly. Great, another thing Selena was hiding. "Oh, well it's really nice." Cecilia stated again.

"Do you want a coffee." Rui offered. "Yeah a coffee would be great!" Cecilia smiled. Rui stepped in the kitchen and filled the pot up with water, as Cecilia sat down at the kitchen table. "So, how is your mom doing?" Cecilia questioned. Rui looked back at her "She's ok, still living in the same apartment." He answered. Cecilia nodded awkwardly. She watched as he made her coffee, putting a bit of milk and sugar, just the way Cecilia liked it, of course he still remembers.

Rui placed a mug of hot coffee in-front of her. "Thanks." She smiled. He sat down across from her and started lightly tapping his fingers on the table. It made her more comfortable weirdly, like it was still the same person from 10 years ago sitting in front of her. It was the same person, she reminded herself.

"So, I kind of wanted to talk." Cecilia said biting her lip nervously, staring down at her mug of coffee. "Yeah me too." He agreed.

"Um can I start?" Cecilia inquired. Rui nodded. She started, "So that night, I kind of wasn't thinking. Well I mean, I haven't been thinking the pasted 8 years but anyways. I just didn't explain myself. But what had happened was I saw a Facebook post, it was Maria's. It was my poem that had said from Nelson to Maria. I know you've never had facebook or anything, I realized that you never saw it. So I thought... thought you had given it to him like it was nothing, so Maria could have it as a gift." Cecilia rambled on, she couldn't help but feel like he hated her.

"Thought?" Rui questioned. Cecilia nodded "there's more, six years ago."