Saudade

12 (Now)

"And that's everything." Cecilia finished. She had told him everything, the call with Nelson, seeing Rui on the beach with another girl. Everything.

The room was silent, he sat across from her not saying a word, staring at her. He didn't look confused, she couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was he mad? sad?

"I should go." Cecilia finally said getting up from her chair, sucking back tears. He quickly got up after her, she turned around and started walking towards the door. She felt him grab her wrist and turn her around to face him. He pulled her in for a tight embrace, one arm around her body and his other hand over the back of her head, holding her close. She let the tears fall out of her eyes, sobbing into him. "It's ok, it's ok." he comforted her.

"No, Rui. it's not ok. I feel so stupid. I wasted nine years." She pushed out, looking up at him noticing that there was a tear streaming down his face. "If I had known you were here six years ago I would have come see you. It's my fault, not yours." He said holding her face. She shook her head lightly. "Come on Cici, let's go for a walk." He grabbed her hand and led her out the back door, and along his grass, which eventually became sand.

They walked in silence across the sand dunes. Cecilia breathed in the fresh summer air and watched Rui as he led her down the sandy hill. Once they reached a view of the water, he gestured for her to sit down, and did the same beside her in the sand. The beach was empty, nobody but Rui and Cecilia. The sun was covered by clouds, the air was warm.

"That girl, who was she?" Cecilia asked looking at Rui, who was watching the water. "She was a tourist, from Germany. It wasn't serious at all, she was only here for a week and I later found out she had a fiance." Rui explained, Cecilia nodded. "I'm sorry." Cecilia mumbled, she wasn't sorry.

"It's fine, I didn't care. I was only with her because I was trying to get over you." He said now looking her deeply in the eye. Cecilia nodded again, not knowing what to say.

"I understand Cecilia." He broke the silence. "You don't hate me?" She asked.

"It's impossible for me to hate you, Cecilia. I understand what you are going through. I understand you more than anyone else does." He stated. Cecilia felt her eyes welling up again. She felt a drop fall on her nose from the sky, then rain started to pour. "Come on Cici." He stood up and help her up. They ran back across the hilly dunes, Giggling, trying not to get to soaked from the rain. They stopped running when they reached Rui's back yard, accepting that they were soaked. They walked towards his back door.

"Rui." She spoke over the rain, she was a couple meters behind him. "Yeah." He turned around to face her, he was squinting his eyes from the rain. She felt the need to tell him. "I love you, and I realize it's probably too late but I just needed to get it off my chest, and-" Rui marched towards her and grabbed her face, placing his lips on hers. he tasted like coffee. he pulled back slightly, breathing heavily. "I love you too, Cecilia." She felt ever nerve in her body remembering the first time they kissed on her front steps, playing soccer with him at the beach, learning to surf, shifts at Tony's, late night walks, sleeping at each others houses, him reading her poems, calling after school and swimming in the salty water.

He then leaned back in, kissing her with more passion now. he lifted her up so her legs were wrapped around him and walked inside carrying her. Closing the door behind himself, he pushed her against the wall, hands on her hips, lips on her lips. He then carried her over to his bedroom placing her down on his bed lightly and taking off his shirt, then hers. Leaving her in a bra. She kissed his birthmark, which tasted salty from the ocean, bringing back more memories. she swirled her tongue over it, causing a quiet grunt to come out of him. She stopped to look at him in the eye. She could sense the hesitation in him, like he needed to tell her something.

"Please don't hurt me again." He whispered to her, she knew what he meant. She could feel the pain in his voice, she realized how much she broke him. "I promise." She whispered back.