Saudade

13 (Now)

If you told Cecilia 5 years ago that she would sleep with Rui again she would be shocked, happy but shocked. She rolled over in Rui's bed to find him fast asleep, twisted up in white sheets. It was late afternoon now, rain pattered on Rui's bedroom window. Cecilia stood up and closed the blinds to make sure Rui didn't wake up, she knew he needed rest. She sat on the edge of the bed, debating if she should stay or go, catch the next flight back to Toronto.

That's when she felt Rui's hands grab her waist and pull her down to lie on his chest. "Please don't leave. I haven't slept this well in years." His voice rasped. It made her heart hurt to think of breaking Rui's heart. "I won't leave, I promise." Cecilia replied truthfully, she was never going to hurt him again. Cecilia drifted off to sleep in his arms.

Cecilia woke up again, the sky was dark now and rain was no longer hitting the window. Rui wasn't there, she picked up the phone to check the time which was 11:52pm. She rolled out of bed and threw on one of Rui's black t-shirts that was lying on the floor. She opened the bedroom door and followed the smell of tosta mista to find Rui in the kitchen flipping bred in a pan. He was shitless with grey linen pants hanging low on his waist. "Ola." He turned his head and smiled at her. "Ola." She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around his bare stomach from behind.

He paused what he was doing and turned around to face her realizing that there was tears welling up in her eyes. "What's wrong?" He questioned, She sucked in a breath. "I'm sorry." She shook her head. "Why are you sorry?" He asked with a puzzled look on his face. Cecilia's brows knit together. "For taking so long to realize it's you. It's always been you." She confessed with a tear running down her face. "Cici don't be sorry." She shook her head.

"I'm so so sorry. I didn't realize hurt you and all I was doing was thinking about was myself, as always. That's all I do, that's what my parents think, my friends think it too. I'm not a good person to have a relationship with so I understand If you don't want me Rui." Cecilia rambled on, stepping back from Rui.

He pulled her right back into him. "Cecilia, I see how much you care about others. don't say that, don't listen to whoever is saying that me you and I both know that's not true. And don't pull the, "I understand if you don't want me" bullshit because I want you so much and I would give anything to be with you. I love you." He stated. He placed his hand on her jaw and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I love you too, Rui."

Cecilia and Rui ate their tosta mista and plopped down on the couch to watch some tv. Cecilia picked up her phone to find 3 missed calls from Ali and a text that read "Girl, what the f is going on?" She put down her phone to reply later. Rui looked over at Cecilia and pulled her onto his chest so she was lying on top of him.

"Do you think you'll stay?" Rui mumbled. Cecilia didn't know. She had her whole life back in Toronto, but she didn't want to leave Rui. She was torn. "I don't know, but I don't want to worry about that now. Ok?" Cecilia answered. "Ok Cici."