July 2022 A month after breakup, I'm still suffering. Waking up without a routine, asking myself lots of "Why's". Hindi naman ako ganto dati, why am I the one who always suffer after break up? Everynight, I ask god "Why do I need to suffer this pain?" "Do I deserve this kind of pain?" Naiisip din kaya ako ni Bryan na nasasaktan din naman ako? Napagod lang ako ng isang beses, hinayaan na niya akong umalis? (The Hows of Us yorn?) >.<
Pero bat nga ba ganon? Bakit kapag yung mga lalaki napapagod, hindi sila yung napag iiwanan, pero pag tayong mga babae ang napapagod, tayo lagi yung naiiwan?
We break things up for our own mental health, I know men and women feel the same, but why don't they effort the same? If ang mga lalaki nasasaktan sa relationship gaya ng mga babae, why don't we argue about them not giving a fuck after breakup?
When I was growing up, I witnessed how my mom suffers from a breakup with papa. And I never saw my papa fix things, but my mom did all her best to fix the family. Ganun ba talaga ang mga lalaki? Do they really assume women to fix their fucked up relationship because of their fucked up decisions?
Ang daming tanong sa utak ko nung time na yun. And was starting to blame myself as well. If I wanted this relationship to work, why don't I make it work? Pero hindi eh, babae ako. Tangina ano to? Lagi nalang bang kami yung aayos ng relasyong nasisira dahil sa mga pagkakamali niyong mga lalaki?
I chose to suffer, because I wanted to heal. I chose to suffer, because I wanted him to realize his mistakes. And after all, I know god has plans. That time, I told to ate Luan, "Alam kong babalik siya, alam kong hindi eto yung time na para samin." Right person in the wrong time ang situation ba? I don't know if its an eye opener, manifestation or just an assumed fact, pero alam kong sure ako sa mangyayari. Babalik siya sa tamang panahon. Alam kong we needed this separate paths to grow individually, and be together as a full and healed version of us.
August 2022 Started my senior year. Hindi ako mentally stable, but I tried my best to study hard and distract myself from everything that has happened. I had my anatomy class, good class to distract and keep myself busy. Cried a lot, slayy, but I got through it with the help of my ate Luan and our new friend Kuya Lanz who were both studied and from medical field as well.
October 2022 When I finally tried to open my heart with someone, sumakto namang naasar ako ng friends with my old friend that I met on Omegle 2 years ago. We're both from breakup, pero mas fresh sakanya. I was not ready to be in a relationship talaga that time, but the happiness I wanted to feel, made me try it all again.
My friend from omegle admitted that he liked me 2 years ago, kaya din nagsimulang inasar kami sa isa't isa. We tried to date even we're not ready for it. And when things are finally going just fine, tsaka naman ako nireach out ni Bryan.
"Sana all" He replied to my story.
Story ko sa ig yon, a screenshot with John, my friend from Omegle. I just replied the side eye emoji, and Bry tried to ask me to spill the tea, so I did. Sobrang nakaka inis lang na nasa point ako ng suffering again. Why does he need to congratulate me with my new relationship? If he can just ask me to comeback like 2 months ago when I was just ready for him to comeback? Yes...I still wish he do...But its too late...
"How r u?" I replied.
"Eto babad sa studies." he said. Okay move on...WTF?
Bakit ganto ang mga lalaki? Bakit hindi nalang sila magpakatotoo sa mga nararamdaman nila??? And blame us that we hurt them? LIKE SERIOUSLY?
I was screaming on my mind... "WHY DON'T YOU JUST COMEBACK TO ME?!" Ugh!
But as expected. John and I broke up because of his nonsense reasons. It didn't hurt me at all, cause I think we needed that break up anyways. Oh and just to let you guys know? He admitted to ate Luan that I was just a "rebound" for him. He's fucked up right? Yes, he is. And even I am just a rebound to him, I just wanted to let him know that I felt the same, he's not that "boyfriend material" anyways. Sorry to say this, but he's nothing but a mama's boy. Acted like a grown up but can't make decisions on his own? Like...FR?!
YOU ARE READING
Because of Kumu (Part 2)
Non-FictionIt was a NON-FICTION tag-lish story, It was kind of romantic drama thing, it was all about my Kumu Journey (Kumu is a friendly filipino app), about who once I loved before, about my friends, and how I almost dropped my classes because of using it. ...
