October 8,2021 Nang guma-gala gala nanaman ako sa may newbies sections. There's this one gay sa may stream and he has a pink hair, nacurious lang ako what does the stream looks like and how people interact with him kasi mostly sa mga ganun di nila pinapansin and I know naman na having people that are gay are fun to be with. I ignored the stream at first, pero everytime I refresh my kumu, he always pops up kaya pumasok nalang din ako.
"Hi binibining_ell! Welcome sa livestream ng aming friend na si llyvin!" greeted by ate Syd. She's so jolly and funny. I stayed sa livestream para makipagkulitan na din and it is actually worth it, talagang di masasayang oras mo sakanila ganun ba? HAHAHAHA sobrang entertaining nila kasama. Host llyvin is actually a quiet person, ang kasama ko lang mag ingay sa stream ay si ate Syd talaga tapos merong guy sa may slot 3 but he's not jolly as we are.
That day was so amazing! I really like how ate Syd and other people entertained me since medyo dumami na rin yung mga pumasok before mag end ng livestream. Ate Syd will be one of my new ates now hahaha.
Back to Space. Space and I are so close na, yung tipong sa lahat ng livestream eh kami yung magkasama. I don't know, I really like how he entertain people kasi, tapos sobrang marami ka ding mapupulot na aral sakanya, he's so matured for me, but sometimes he act so strict. I am that person kasi na sobrang love magshare ng mga story ko, na kahit di ko kilala is nagkwe-kwento ako, tsaka sabi nila, mas ok nang magkwento sa strangers, kasi di ka nila huhusgahan unlike sa mga taong kilala ka na, kasi they will never define you based on your story, they'll define you kung pano ka nila nakilala dati, and we're not the same person every minute or everyday.
Space and I became close, he never let me share an emotional stories sa stream, because he told me na instead of sharing it to everyone, we can talk about it privately naman, I don't know if he's worried about what will people think of me, or he just did that to know me better privately, na kami lang ganon.
It's my first time to feel like this way again for a very long time. Last time na naramdaman ko to is when Tako showed what he feels for me. Space's real name is Sean, how Sean cared for me is different, pero yung feelings are the same as Tako's. I ignored what I feel before kasi I don't want to ruin my life again, I am ok without someone sa life ko kasi nakaya ko naman dati, and I know na kakayanin ko pa hanggang sa dumating yung right time na ready na ako, tsaka isa pa, sobrang nagfofocus ako sa pag aaral ko, bumabawi ako from last year since alam ko sa sarili ko na nahirapan ako and I want to change that, kasi pag naintindihan mo naman yung pinag aaralan niyo madali nalang sayo yan eh. Tsaka I don't really want to rush things kasi I experience how it feels to rush your feelings and it didn't end so well, kaya inignore ko nalang kung anong meron and acted that I don't feel something for him and treat him as my kuya.
After talking for months, he finally confessed his feelings, yes, I did felt some kilig, you know syempre the fact that you know to yourself that you're not that attractive, meron pa ring nagkakagusto or humahanga sayo.
I knew Space, or Sean is kind of obsessive person, the way he got jealous so easily and assume every guy you're with is lumalandi sayo, is a red flag. I love it when he protects me, cause he "love" me, but controlling me from everything? Is not good, and first of all, he knows that most of my friends were males.
He courted me, and just lasted for like 3 days, before he ghosted me, why? I don't know. I was so upset, sobrang naapektuhan nanaman yung emotions ko during Christmas, and yes, that reminds me of Tako, and I hate to admit it, but I am done saying "I'm ok" or "We're ok" even though its not. If I love someone, I will love them for the rest of my life, but if you did something bad? Its over for you!
He did came back after a month, saying he met an accident or something, but those dumb reasons doesn't work for me. Ayoko nang laging ako yung nagpapatawad to the point na ako nanaman yung nagmumukhang tanga saming dalawa. Paano nagagawa ng mga lalaki yun noh? Or not only men, ladies can also do it. What I mean is, pano nila naca-carry lahat ng konsensiya? Like, there's this person, loving you and reciprocating all the love and actions you did just to ask them to give you chance to enter to their life, and just leave them like nothing happened? Does "SORRY" fix everything you have done? Does sorry can bring back the tears that have been dried from your cheecks? Hindi diba? Kung mahal niyo yung tao, at kung mean niyo naman talaga yung sorry niyo, gagalaw kayo, sasabayan niyo ng actions yung sorry niyo, hindi yung magsosorry LANG kayo tapos gagawin niyo ulit yung pagkakamali niyo.
"I forgive you, Sean. I understand your absences." I said, after he said sorry. Ako yung taong di talaga nagtatanim ng sama ng loob, I forgave him for the last time, but he did ghosted me for the second time.
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Because of Kumu (Part 2)
Não FicçãoIt was a NON-FICTION tag-lish story, It was kind of romantic drama thing, it was all about my Kumu Journey (Kumu is a friendly filipino app), about who once I loved before, about my friends, and how I almost dropped my classes because of using it. ...
