June 27,2021. I was with my bestfriend, Angel sa livestream niya, nauuso that time ang so called "mumu" or "double account" sa slots sa kumu. I wasn't that scared sa rules the time na ginagawa ko yun dahil nga maka ilang beses ko nang ginagawa, wala namang nangyayari, so I was doing that for fun like, every-single-day.
Angel is my bestfriend since 2017 from 7th grade. We're always together with our 2 other friends. Simula nung napunta ako dito sa US, madalang nalang din kami nag-uusap, may tampuhan kami when I left Philippines, but I chose to forgive her kasi di naman talaga worth it magalit lalo na kung sobrang liit lang ng pinag awayan niyo. The time I used the Kumu app, I invited her to join us, so she did. She never stayed before kasi nga may boyfriend siya, she never told me na nagca-cause daw yun ng away nila kaya siya umalis non, but the time we're talking around 2021 na, she came back and told me everything that happen last year between her and her boyfriend.
Around mga June, I introduced her to my new friends which is sila Kent, and sila James.. Angel and I talked about our usernames before, since pwede naman na niyang mapalitan yung username niya, pinarehas na namin yung names hahahah.
Nasa livestream niya ako around 27th of June, nag uusap lang kami dun nang kung ano ano, kasama ni angel yung boyfriend niya sa livestream niya, and I remember that there's someone na pinagsabihan ako about sa pag aakyat sa dalawang slot using my one account, and dahil feeling batas ako, I ignored what he said.
"Ok lang namang ma-ban ako dito, dali dali lang maretrieve yung account." I told them, the reason why they hate me also. Sobrang taas ng tingin ko sa sarili ko that time kasi alam kong may kapit ako sa kumu, but then I realized that they can't do things I wanted them to do, gaya nung sabihan yung kumu na ibalik ko agad yung account ko HAHAHA. Actually, they are good folks, lalo na yung sinabi ko kay kuya Oj bat nabanned ako? He just laughed at me, they all feel sorry pero kasalanan ko din naman and alam ko yun, kaya kahit may kapit ka kahit saang lugar, kung ikaw may kasalanan, di ka nila matutulungan.
It's been a long time since I logged in my main account sa kumu which named "itsyogirl_el" dati. I was really happy na parang bumalik ba yung dati kong anyo? Ganon! I changed my username and my profile, but I bet they're gonna still recognize me kasi nga dati na akong naging pusa sa burner account ko.
There this one guy, named Lesther. He was really nice, and thought that he was creepy at first, dahil nga we're not that close, but he acted like we knew each other for a long time. Nakilala ko siya sa isang stream kung saan gamit ko pa yung isa kong account, na deleted na ngayon. I gave my facebook account because I thought we're just going to talk about making his "own" book or story. Yung parang kwento niya ba, pero ako yung magsusulat or magbubuo ng librong yun? But I didn't really expect na kaya pala niya gusto din makuha yung facebook account ko ay yun ay dahil nga may gusto siya sakin. I really appreciate the compliments he's been giving me, greeting me every single day, like giving me so much time, but I didn't asked him to do it. Oo, alam ko na sa ibang babae, that was really romantic kind of a thing, but I don't really need someone to do that for me right now, you know? Unless parehas kami ng feelings, then I would let him, but no. He's a really nice guy, and alam kong may babaeng mas may deserve na matanggap yung mga bagay na yun, na deserve niya rin, dahil nga ako, ayoko kasing sobrang nice ng tao sakin, to the point na makokonsensiya ka nalang dahil nga gusto ka ng tao tapos di mo mabigay sakanila yung pagmamahal na deserve din nila galing sayo. I don't wanna beg for love, and I don't want somebody to experience that too.
Hinding hindi ko malilimutan yung mga times na I was begging for love from someone na alam kong never ibibigay yung pagmamahal na gusto ko. Simula nung puntong yon, I learned already, to the point that I don't really know if I was loving myself or caring myself too much na hindi na alam kung may nasasaktan na ba akong tao. Ang gusto ko lang namang mangyari ay yung hindi na ako makasakit ng sino man, kasi alam ko yung pakiramdam, yung takot, yung trauma na mararanasan mo, habang alam mong yung taong iniiyakan mo, di kayang ibalik yung pagmamahal na binigay mo sayo.
Nung time na nagstart na ang Junior High year ko, I promised that I will focus on my study. I really forced myself too, kasi gustong gusto ko talaga bumawi sa mga grades ko from last year. I tried not to use kumu, but of course, baka Elle toh? HAHAHA!
Sobrang hirap pala talaga pag finorce mo agad yung sarili mo na seryosohin mo yung pag aaral mo noh? Yung you're not used of studying so hard, like pag ka gising mo magrereview ka, hanggang pag uwi, yung wala ka nang time para gawin mo yung mga bagay na ginagawa mo dati? That was the first time I experienced break downs. Yes, you have good grades, yes you are learning a lot, pero yung saya ba na nararamdaman mo is not the same as before. I remember crying at the restroom sa kalagitnaan ng klase, tapos biglang ok ka na ulit. I am having headaches most of the time dahil nga I don't give myself any time to rest. I play guitar on my free time, but I still can't make myself happy. I am missing something, which is giving myself some "me" time, or doing something fun.
Alam kong dapat nga naman inuuna mo talaga yung pag aaral mo, pero kung di mo nakasanayan or hindi naman siya yung talagang ginagawa mo na sobrang tutok ka, like you don't have any time to have fun already, talagang mahihirapan ka.
When the school started, nahirapan ako ng sobra lalo na sa math ko, kasi 4 days of learning, then every friday may quiz or test kami, tapos pag dating ng weekend, tambak ng assignment. I changed that routine nung napansin ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na kaya yung ganung pamamaraan, oo nakakakuha ako ng mataas na grado, but I am not happy mentally. Dun yung mas lumala yung pag iyak ko nang gabi, overthinking, breakdowns, tapos pag pasok nang school, you'll experience anxiety, hindi sa maarte ako sa pag aaral or tamad akong mag aral, it's just not my thing, I study in different way and its hard for me to force myself to do it kasi mas lalong wala akong matututunan. So what I did, I gave myself some time to work, do my assignments or projects the time I arrive at home para di na ako tamarin mamaya, and the remaining of the time before I sleep would be my"me" time kumbaga. We have a lot of different ways to study, kung nagagawa niyong mag aral ng buong araw, may mga tao ding hindi yun kakayanin, but you guys have the same knowledge at school and nagagawa parin nila yung mga responsibilities nila like you, in their own way nga lang.
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Because of Kumu (Part 2)
Non-fictieIt was a NON-FICTION tag-lish story, It was kind of romantic drama thing, it was all about my Kumu Journey (Kumu is a friendly filipino app), about who once I loved before, about my friends, and how I almost dropped my classes because of using it. ...
