death do us part

dream about me

A/N: heavy - the marías

The birds chirp and the sky is a beautiful pastel blue. The clouds are out and the weather is perfect, even with the sun shining down on him. The table in front of him has a glass filled with ice cubes and the finest liquor. The ice cubes shake as he grabs onto the glass taking a sip. A content sigh leaving his lips.

Because that's what he feels, content.

Right?

He glances behind him watching as his wife grabs their chubby son from under his arms, giggling with him as she brings him close to her face, smiling.

The mere sight makes his stomach flutter, but his face is blank, devoid of no emotion as he stares at them.

This isn't right. No it's not. Because that woman isn't you. Jean doesn't know why he want's it to be you. From where he sits in his balcony, he can see from his wife's side profile that it is not you. He knows that if it were you, he'd be smiling.

He would have sat up from his chair and made his way towards you and the baby. Playing with the both of you. Laughing, giggling, every positive expression that can be made. After he'd tell you to lay down as he took care of the baby, letting you rest. What a good husband does.

He feels guilty. Because even if it's not you here with him, he doesn't seem to care. He has the perfect life here in his dream. He's here married with Mikasa, with a handsome baby boy. Living in the prime real estate in the interior. The life he's always wanted. A family to care for, to love and cherish. What he has been striving for since the beginning. What he has been working so so hard for.

He knows he's living in his head. Living to pretend. But it doesn't matter, not now. In this world, he's far away from the weight of the world. He doesn't have to care anymore, he can be selfish. After what he's gone through, his wife and kids, and their kids deserve to live a good life...and so does he.

Jean loves Mikasa.

He's completely infatuated with her and has been since he's met her.

So why does he feel guilty? Why does the thought of being with Mikasa upset him?

Cause' I don't want to be in love with another, even in another life.

The truth is, Jean is truly in love with you. And if you're not the woman he marries and has a family with...then he doesn't want to live in this dream, he doesn't need the sleep anymore.

He can hear the front door banging. He watches as Mikasa doesn't stand to open it or make a face of confusion. Is someone banging on the door? He stands up walking towards it.

His fingertips brush past the doorknob and he stops and thinks to himself. He just wants to be alone. He knows if he opens this door the dream will go away, along with Mikasa and his son. But isn't that what he wants? He doesn't love Mikasa, he realizes that now.

He loves you.

But he hesitates, thinking if his selfishness is more stronger than his love for you.

It's not stronger.

His cheeks flush at the newfound realization and he slowly turns that doorknob, opening the door. He doesn't need to be in another life, not when he knows he'll eventually get what he wants in this life, and with a woman he actually loves.