Societal Paradox: A Compilation Of Poems/Rants

Part 1: It was a secret

I hate mirrors.
It's one thing to know you're insecure but another thing when other people point it out.
I hated how I couldn't hide anything from the mirror.
It always illuminated.. Me.
I hate me.
Well, I hate the me in front of the mirror.
I adore the me outside the house.
She was always confident.
She walked like it was her runway, she smiled like she was a beauty queen, she's a real head-turner alright.
Her poised looked as if she ruled the world.
She was everything I was.
..
Not exactly.

She was everything I wanted to be, in front of the mirror at least.
She's the not the me in front of the mirror.
She's a whole other person.
Two different people takes refuge in one frail body.
It is hard to keep them in place.
The body twists and turn, it starts to crumble piece by piece.
It was secret.
It was a secret between me and the mirror.
No one was supposed to know.
I hated how the mirror reflected every part of me with no filter.
I meant everything it said, nothing more, nothing less.
I wanted to be pretty like me when she's out there in the world.
But in front of the mirror it's just ordinary me.
Boring.
The two personas slowly rip me apart every single day to the point I don't know who's me anymore.
The me in front of the mirror or the me outside of the house?
I was completely two different people.
I was afraid of what I was becoming.
I didn't know who I was anymore.
It was so easy to put on make-up, style my hair, and put on pretty clothes and transition to the other me - that way it was easier for me to love myself.
But it is so hard to look in the mirror without all that.
I feel different.
I feel ashamed..
Am I fooling other people or am I fooling myself?
They don't know there's this part of me decaying inside.
Only the mirror sees that.
Confidence is bitter pill to swallow when all your life you chose to hide your true self from world.
Facade covering another facade - it was never-ending strings of lies.
But I forgot one thing: if you plan on spinning lies, use better yarn.
I was indeed a fool.
In fact, what I see in the mirror isn't even a reflection.
..
It's just a shadow - the shadow behind the ever so perfect me.
She was the real thing.
But people don't really like the 'real thing' do they?
We pretend we do, but sometimes we just end up being foolish and choose illusion over reality.
It's like magic.
We know we're being fooled, but we choose to believe that it is magic - something caused my mysterious our supernatural forces.
It's way more fun that way isn't it?
Fooling ourselves to be ecstatic over something so un-amazing just like everyday living.
It's the kind of trickery we don't run away from.
We rarely look pass the surface do we now?

At this point it's not even me and me. It's me and her.
I was a fool to think me and her could work together.
We could never be one.

What I didn't know is that she had problems of her own and society has fucked her up in ways I could've never imagined.