Ivory - An Eburnean Tommy AU

What has happened to me? (update, new chap this week)

I seem to have disappeared for a few months, which..I have no idea if it is concerning or not- but I'm okay. I'm alive, which is what matters! I have survived , and am currently in recovery.of..I don't know what has happened to me honestly.

I wasn't able to document or write anything about it..all I can tell you was that I was just in..real deep shit. I was in such a state where it was so hard to do anything. Now I don't know if I consider myself depressed exactly, but those past weeks, it was not just being sad. It was feeling so bad, even if there was no reason. And it felt like it had no end.

I really don't want to explain so much, it's probably better off forgetting what I have felt. It was truly one of the toughest times I had experienced dealing with mental health. May usually causes an anniversary effect on me, which I was very unlucky of since I was battling my own head, as well as my finals. For some reason, it worsened in June even though it was already summer break. I blame the constant changing of the weather, and my asthma spiking. Top it all with the usual things that happen at home, relationships, it was too much.

I have little to no memory of May and June. Just feeling like sht and hopeless and self destruction. So let's talk about July- What happened in July?:D Well other than being prescribed for a maintenance for asthma, and now legally blind on my other eye, and like had at least 10 night terrors or nightmares this month..i remember a few, but most of the time I just scream or cry or choke on my own saliiva@@ BUTTT im doing great:D I'm feeling better! I can handle myself more now and be more optimistic on what's happening. I finally finished learning the recent Wilbur Soot album, and I recently went down on Yaelokre music! It's nice:0 i love folk music:3 lets just hope it does not become a fixation haha I also joined Art Fight which was really fun! I finished almost 20 works so I'm doing pretty good>:3 Class will start around August, so I'm getting ready on that-

I'm sorry that I wasn't able to upkeep the schedule, upkeep my pace, and I really don't like letting people down a lot. I've noticed a few that are really concerned..and I'm sorry that a lot may be tired of putting up to my sht and its pretty understanding:D Things were easier when I was still in seniors, and college was harder than I anticipated, especially being a medical student who strives to have ace grades- I'm aware that my life does not really sound so amazing, but I'm sure people had it worse, and one should keep going despite the difficulties. No one will wait for me when I'm down. No one will save me when I'm struggling to breathe. And there are so many things on my shoulders, and many people watching what I do..people that admire me, envy me, hate me..it's suffocating. But you gotta roll with it>:D I just gotta stop repressing stuff so I won't fall to pieces on random moments of the day-.-;; i gotta fix that.

The next chapter comes around soon..I hope. I'm done with the next chapter, but there's some cool art in the mix though that I've been procrastinating-.-;;; I really want this done..I don't think I have author's block, I just don't have the greatest mental wellbeing as of the moment:D I'm glad July's over. I'm thankful that that month went a little easy on me. I hope the gods that August will be kinder. Far far kinder.

(im just mentioning these peeps so they wont worry so much haha..idk how to do the metion stuff tho and make it appear) @Ezy_Love @IVENTHERE_101 @Koalazeneatskiwi @Tictactoga @Ethan_B  raveheart @MinanaRinana @Himeishere20000 @x0Astralfall0x  @BiancaDiAngelo_1 @Cool1237374747474