RUSH ;; SUITS

XXV. Doors

OLIVIA

I, Olivia Specter, am the stupidest person alive to believe a person like him. I cannot believe myself. God!

My thoughts ran wild as I walked through the streets of New York city; my car not being of use right now. I just needed to recollect myself before everything starts again tomorrow like nothing ever happened.

You can't say I'm overreacting, no, you can't. Has the newest associate in your firm (WHO YOU FUCKING SLEPT WITH) got the job because he impressed your brother once with his mind? And for all I know, that mind too could be fake!

Maybe everything he made me feel was as big of a lie as his entire life right now.

My overwhelmed body shivered a bit as the breeze hit my hair; not knowing where to go at the ripe hour of 11PM.

I mean, how would I know?

I had made myself look like a buffoon in front of the people I trusted by defending that son of a bitch Mike Ross when I should've listened.

And it suddenly clicked to me.

I should've listened.

I should've listened to Donna.

So, with tears staining my cheeks, the infamous "don't let it show" factor in me let go as I went to Donna Paulsen's apartment.

I told myself, "breathe, she isn't gonna kill you, breathe." Can you blame me? I literally yelled at Donna and said she was overreacting; when in fact she wasn't.

I swallowed my pride and knocked on her door, my eyes red and puffy.

When she opened it, I'm sure I looked like an idiot standing there. I stood there, looking up at her and speechless.

"It's not your fault." Donna shook her head in disbelief on why I was crying.

"I know." I wiped a few tears that were dripping off my face.

"No; you don't." She put her arm around my shoulder and led me into her apartment.

After a few minutes, I was on her sofa. Silent. Unlike usual.

"You can say I told you so." I let out a bitter laugh.

"I don't want to." She handed me a glass of water. "You know.. I'm sorry for being such a jerk about it."

"You had good intentions." I took a sip out of the water and tucked my hair behind my ear as I placed it on the table beside me.

"Liv." She straightened my blouse as she looked at me. "This is why I didn't want you with him. You were gonna get hurt."

"I just don't understand why he wouldn't tell me."

"I don't understand why they wouldn't either."

I wiped a couple of tears. "I thought it was something real."

"It was, Liv. I saw it in your eyes." Donna cupped my face in her hands. "Maybe it just isn't time yet."

"I don't wanna see his goddamn face anymore." My shaky voice made it hard to understand me.

"The Olivia Specter I know doesn't let anything get in the way of her work." Donna smirked. "So, come on. Lift your head up a bit. You can't let Mike ruin your chances of getting promoted again."

"I.. It's happening, Donna." I closed my eyes as I said my next words. "I'm affected by this shit."

Donna looked stunned.

Again, I'm not a very open person. Donna had seen me vulnerable several times. Hell, she's even seen me naked.

But she hasn't seen me this troubled because of a man.