The last card I play is obvious, but one I know will bite to the bone. One that won't work, no matter how I want it to. "We can still run." My voice deepens, letting the offer hang in the air. "Together."
Mare stares at me, still and unmoving. Around us, the stone looms, silence sucking any ability we have. "You know that isn't true."
"Really." I smirk, unable to control my raging heartbeat. "Your guard would riot, I suppose. Cage us with silent stone, if not outright kill us."
It weakens her, I know, enough to make her tear her eyes away. "You'd enjoy that, wouldn't you?"
I shrug. "Live with me. Die with me. It makes little difference." I step towards her, and she flinches. "We're the same, Mare. You can't escape me, no matter how you try."
She lunges, and I dodge, tripping onto the ground. Her foot lands on my chest, crushing the air from my lungs. The letter opener feels wrong in my hand, wronger still once it clatters to the ground. Her other foot slams on my palm, and I force a laugh. "You're really gonna kill me?" The question burns the back of my throat. "I suppose it makes sense. I didn't ask to get a yes."
Her eyes flash with pain, and my resolve weakens against all reason. Still, I keep going, if only to break free of her grip. "I feel sad for you, truly. Do you think Cal would take you back if you killed his brother?"
She sneers, a feeble mask, foot grinding harder into my palm. I can't help but savor the pain. "You filthy liar."
I close my eyes. "Perhaps."
"You can't stop breaking me."
Laughter. "Why would I when it's so easy?" Lies. She lasted so long in my court, so long beneath the pain I call love. "Kill me already. I know you want to."
She wavers instead of finishing, instead of tearing into my flesh and bone. Her heel lifts, ever so slight. I seize the chance to throw her off.
Her back hits the tile, and she jumps as if burned. "Get away from me." Something in her weakens. "And–" A breath escapes her, hard and heavy. "Get out of here. But I'm not coming with you."
For once, I'm caught off guard, eyes flickering to the glint of the letter opener. It's a chance, one I should take, but something in me still shakes with memory. Of the life I once wanted, before Mother crushed it to dust. "I'm not leaving without you."
Anywhere else, that might've been romantic. Here, it opens old wounds, ones I scrape at as my hand closes around the dagger. "I told you, we can still run. But only together."
Mare wavers.
I seize my chance, lunging forward, flesh on flesh as I force our eyes to meet. Her fingers lock around my arms, nails crusted with blood. "I tried, Mare. I tried harder than you will ever know."
She kicks, but doesn't reach me, hissing as my fingers find their way to her neck. I never enjoyed seeing her black and blue. I never enjoyed the ruins of my wrath. She lets out a strangled gasp. "I might've loved you, you know. If you weren't like this."
My grip loosens, my mind tightening in on itself. "You broke me first." A feeble, feeble taunt, but it leaves me nonetheless. "You chose to dance with him. You chose–" I'm shaking. I'm shaking, and it's all my fault. "I disobeyed Mother for you. I let her scream in my head so she wouldn't in yours. I know you don't remember it, but I do."
Mother's Red blood is so hard to clean up. Mare's No matter how you try to hide it, I see it all over your hands.
She'd put her hands around her neck for it. I hurled her off and almost died.
"Of course I remember." Mare's kick finally lands, and I stumble from surprise, not the force of it. "I loved you for it, and you squandered it all."
My heart is poison, and so is my tongue. I make the most of it. "I should've let her break you."
It's the harshest lie of all, yet it seems to hurt her the least. I suppose it's too transparent, a knife to me and only me. My grip tightens on the letter opener. I need to strike.
I need to die.
I wish I could blame Mother's whispers for what happens next. For my unsteady swing, the glint of blood, the fever in my mind as I hurl the blade. My heart catches in my throat when it lands.
Behind me.
In the hallway.
Far from her flesh and bone, where I would be set free. Far from my own sense, the one that led me to this room. Far from any life that I have ever lived.
Blood drips down my palm where it nicked me, and my fingers clench on empty air. It was a foolish, foolish choice, one I barely remember making. I will not survive if I step outside this room. I will not survive if I risk her lightning.
That must be why she halts, a mercy she should know better than to grant. Her fingers twitch at her sides, stunned. I'm still stronger. I still block the hallway. It's a mistake I can undo, if I only shrug it off.
Mare wavers. I can read her better than Cal can. I can track every inch of her, the slow blinks, the stiff shoulders, her mind pacing faster than her body can respond. "Maven." My name in her mouth makes me shiver. "That's not gonna work on me."
My face twists in a scowl. "Nothing does." I step forward, eyes still flickering to the blade. "You know me too well."
"Maybe." She exhales, sharp, yet unsteady. "But I didn't think–" A step back. "Get out of here. I'm not saying it again."
I stare, so close to lunging. I stare, so close to running.
"But first—" Mare extends a hand. "Give me the knife."
A beat passes.
"So that's your aim." Somehow, I'm still betrayed. "It makes sense. I'm not built to be loved, least of all by you."
Mare clenches a fist as if lightning will come. "You have a choice, Maven."
"I know."
Neither of us moves. Neither of us flinches. Neither of us finds what the other is looking for. My voice cracks. "I tried, Mare."
She stares me in the eye. "Try harder."
And in that moment, I don't know what I'll do. Whether to grab her, kiss her, or throw her against the wall. I should make her pay for all that she's ruined me. I should make her pay for all I cannot give.
But it is with a coward's heart I turn around, lunging for the exit before she can strike. My foot collides with the blade, and kicks it behind me. Maybe I love her. Maybe I don't. But I know none of this will change either of our fates. I let us live on the knife's edge.
I let us live to die again.
