yakuza! yuta x camboy! winwin
In which Sicheng just wants to follow his dreams, and Yuta just wants to spoil him.
started 07-27-24 / finished 08-19-24
#5 in Yuwin
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Sicheng woke up groggy, he had no idea why he felt so tired, maybe that was too much excitement for one night. Yuta's bed was really soft and comfortable, it was no wonder he slept like a log.
He told Sicheng it was a feather bed, Yuta bought it especially so that he'd have a comfortable place to unwind after work. His house was his sanctuary, an escape after a long day.
Sleeping next to a warm body was so much better than feeling the cold breeze brush against him, Yuta always held something in his sleep, so he'd instinctively wrapped his arms around Sicheng when they lied together.
Yuta gave him on of his T-shirts to sleep in, and even with being taller than him, Yuta's shirt was very oversized on him. Soft and cozy, he felt like Yuta was his boyfriend wearing it, could smell him on it. The more he was around the older, the more enamored he became.
He wanted to be coated in his scent, live in the happy little place that it took him to. Yuta was still asleep now, but it was clear he would awake soon from his breathing alone.
He heard a ping come in from his phone, he reached over to Yuta's bedside table to grab it and see what sort of notification he received – half expecting it to be from Shotaro – instead, to his surprise, it was his younger sister.
Xinyu: how are you?
The message was so simple, and yet it felt as daunting as a funeral.
It was rare that he'd ever heard from her, he was sort of the black sheep of his family. Hadn't exactly left on good terms, his family was not accepting of his sexuality. He wish he hadn't told them at all, the way that his parents had ridiculed and mocked him was something he still hasn't shaken.
How sour it was to not live up to the expectations of the only son, he was supposed to carry on the family name. Become a business man or lawyer, marry a beautiful woman.
He had two sisters, but Xinyu was the only one who supported him, who stayed in contact with him. She never wanted him to move to Japan though, she really did care for him, and she didn't want him to move so far away.
Her love slowly grew into resentment, the closer he got to moving. His parents weren't exactly picture perfect, and since she was still living with them, who were, still finding new ways to deem her inadequate, she'd become bitter.
Because Sicheng was able to leave, but it wasn't just that, it was because Sicheng left her behind. Like leaving meat for a pack of wolves, she had nobody to rely on. Her older sister had already moved away, not that they were close anyways. And now her only brother had left too, and she had nothing.
It wasn't as if staying at their parents house was even an option for him, but he could've at least stayed in the country, according to Xinyu. Sicheng, however, wasn't very resilient in his eyes. He felt like he needed to get out, to go as far away as possible.
Japan seemed like a fantasy to him, perhaps it was all the manga he read. He would read them from dawn to dusk, analyze them, study them. It was an escape from reality, even if the stories were bitter, and ended tragically, it was a feeling of catharsis.
He wanted to live life like the pages of a book, to write his own tale, tell his own story. After the pressure of school, and the way he felt like he was going to crack, this was his only dream. And as much as he loved his sister, he wished she could've understood how hard it was for him.
So when he saw that text from Xinyu, with all of the arguments, all of the hurtful words exchanged in malice, fresh in his memory, it was overwhelming to see her contact him again. Only bringing on anxiety, to the point where his hands trembled.
He hadn't noticed that Yuta had awoken, because it was as if a dark cloud was cast upon him. Consumed by its shadow, his concern was obvious as it was painted so clearly on his face.
"Hey, are you okay?" Yuta sounded genuinely worried, he could see that something wasn't right. That's when Sicheng snapped back into reality, "Y-Yeah, I'm fine." But he didn't seem fine, and Yuta wasn't a fool.
"Are you sure? You don't look fine." His voice was gentle, Sicheng liked listening to him. "Yeah, it's just family issues, you know?" He looked up at Yuta, eyes somber. "I understand more than you'd think."
He lifted up his arm, pointing to a large scar on his right abdomen, it was deep enough to show through the dark ink that covered his body, Sicheng could only imagine the pain he felt obtaining something like that.
"From my father." Those words nearly brought tears to his eyes, yet Yuta said it so nonchalantly, as if desensitized to it. "Geez, I'm... So sorry." He felt so empathetic towards him, even with so few words being exchanged. "You don't need to apologize, it's not your fault. All I'm trying to say is that family can be difficult, you don't need to feel like you can't talk to me, I get it."
It was relieving, perhaps the benefit of his age was that he'd become wiser along the way, and Sicheng wanted someone who could guide him, someone who would be there when things got rough in a way that he's never had before. He already viewed Yuta as dependable, after financially supporting him for months. But the fact that he seemed emotionally perceptive, too, was particularly comforting.
"My sister texted me and... I guess I just feel-" He let out a deep sigh, and Yuta put a hand on his shoulder and gently rubbed. "I feel like I abandoned her, and I know she feels the same... I just wish she could've understood how hard it was for me." His voice was quavery, and Yuta couldn't help but stare with sorrowful eyes. "How hard what was?"
He hesitated for a moment, "My parents... I made the mistake of telling them about my- about me, and... They disowned me, said things to me that I could never forget." The pain on Sicheng's face as he recalled those memories, it was so hard for him to see. "I had to leave, and follow my dreams, I was miserable in Wenzhou."
He could tell there was more complications with his family dynamic than just what he'd stated, but admired Sicheng's honesty. It was clear that he had nobody he could open up about this to; because like a broken dam, everything came flooding out.
"I just wanted to see if I could do it, if I could become a mangaka. I know- I know that it's a long shot, but I've never had a dream before this. Even if I fail, it'll be worth it, because at very least I tried." In that moment, it was all put into context for Yuta. He was a camboy to pay for his dream, the only way he was able to make it, he'd sacrificed everything for this, and even sold his body.
And somehow even if he suspected that he was in a difficult place, the reality of it only truly set in for him now. Perhaps – Yuta thought – without the gaze of lust, or unhealthy fixation, he was just taking advantage of a vulnerable young adult in a tough situation.
Bankrolling someone 12 years younger than him in exchange for sexual favors, it seemed so wrong once Yuta had fully comprehended the situation. "Hey," He spoke out of penitence now. "We don't have to do sessions anymore, I'll just pay you, I need no return. And I can pull some strings with any publisher you want."
Although Sicheng quite liked their sessions, he got more preoccupied with the latter half of the sentence and didn't get a chance to voice his own opinion on the matter. "You'd really do that for me?" He was surprised, and rushed to hug him with the tightest of grips that his slim body could handle. "Thank you." He said graciously, Yuta barely had the time to reciprocate his hug.
That was the happiest Yuta had seen him, and it was bittersweet because, as much as he loved seeing him happy. Yuta felt that Sicheng's happiness did not include him, so as much as he thought that they were getting closer, he felt more distant once again.
