yakuza! yuta x camboy! winwin
In which Sicheng just wants to follow his dreams, and Yuta just wants to spoil him.
started 07-27-24 / finished 08-19-24
#5 in Yuwin
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The funeral was swiftly approaching, it was tomorrow, as a matter of fact. all this anguish away from his lover, but there's nothing he could do except be there to support him.
With Yuta's insomniac ways, Sicheng decided to give him a key to his apartment. It soothed Yuta if he knew he was sleeping in the same room as someone else, Sicheng could've only assumed this had been a habit picked up from his colorful childhood.
It was nice, having a warm body beside him at night was far superior to laying there alone. Some nights Yuta would even wrap his arms around him, and that's when Sicheng had the best night's rest, the greatest sense of relief.
Sicheng had been going out a lot more lately, getting a taste of life and experience that he so desperately needed. In a year, he'd slowly transformed from a borderline hikikomori to somewhat of a socialite, and the former stranger – now friend – Renjun, was a big aid in his social life.
He was much more extroverted than Sicheng, and on top of that, being a rou-kakyo meant he had a lot more friends than Sicheng. Although, he didn't really have any so it wasn't much of a challenge.
He didn't speak Chinese very well though, having been raised in another country entirely. With Sicheng's strong Oujiang Tong Au, it made it impossible for them to communicate in his mother language. It's a shame he hadn't hailed from Wenzhou, he missed being able to speak comfortably in Wenzhounese from time to time.
Otherwise, Renjun was great. He was kind and funny, and he always brought new friends around. This may have sparked inspiration for a lot of different background characters within his manga.
Their friendship was more casual, maybe because of the amount of time they'd known each other for. Sicheng's natural introverted behavior made him a bit standoffish, not to mention the personal life he'd been hiding.
They didn't need to know, he didn't want them to know. One of the things he valued most is trust – just as Yuta did, however, there weren't many he felt he could lend that to. And he just didn't have the connection to Renjun to do that, even if he suspected that Renjun may have at least had queerness as a commonality with him.
He had a nice day, not particularly thrilling but it was relieving to have one day of peace, especially considering what he'd have to deal with when the night came. he always laughed around Renjun and his friends, it was good, wholesome fun.
When he got home, he was nervous, it was once again time to meet Shotaro's face again. It made him feel like he was going to crawl out of his skin, the way he looked at him with hunger, with... Rage.
But as he began the session, he had this pounding sensation, an urge telling him to stop. As if something bad were going to happen, however, he mistook it for the normal awful feeling he got when he had to do this. It would've been different if it were of his own volition. But when he was being extorted, when he had no choice, he hated it.
He wouldn't have even been interested in fucking himself this early at night, and he'd gotten to a point where he no longer sought the attention of strangers getting off on him for the sake of an ego boost. He only wanted Yuta, if it wasn't Yuta watching him slide that puny plastic dick in and out of himself then it was pointless.
He wasn't even hard, which was almost an achievement for him because he had a very active libido, instantly turned on the minute he felt any sort of stimulation, it was a stark contrast to coming untouched merely from sucking Yuta's cock.
Shotaro didn't last long, but it felt like this was gonna be an eternity. Because of Shotaro's incessant yammering, he didn't hear the front door opening, or the footsteps throughout his house, or the shoji door sliding open. Until he saw Yuta, standing there with an expression that could only be categorized as betrayal, a look that would haunt him for the rest of his life.
He quickly covered up, "Yuta... It's- it's not what you think it is!" He began to trudge off, clearly frustrated, and Sicheng followed him – he would always follow him – but he didn't seem to cool off at all. "I promise, there's an explanation for this!" He said almost pleadingly, "You lied to me! There are no excuses to be made, you broke my trust. I only asked for one thing, one fucking thing!"
"W-Wait-" Sicheng nervously ejected, causing Yuta to stop him mid sentence. "You know what, Sicheng? I don't care. You come around me to get money, to fuel your little fantasies so you don't have to get a real job like the rest of us, and you use me." He didn't know what to say, it was like his whole world was shattered right there. He didn't know how to act, he was hurt, even if he was in the wrong.
His guilt would've consumed him, right then and there, but instead it shifted into projective anger. "If I should get a real job, then- then maybe you should get a legal one." He finally exploded, the most regrettable thing he could've done. "How fucking dare you! My best friend died, and you're gonna call me- call him a criminal? Fuck you!"
At first he thought there was a chance of forgiveness, until Yuta followed up with a murmur of "I wish I never fell in love with you."
Those words cut like a knife, he'd never used that word before. The word love, and the first time he'd admitted what he felt, it was in utter distain. Maybe Sicheng should've just told him to begin with, but he'd already gotten himself too entangled by the time they got close, Shotaro would've ruined everything.
He felt truly, irrevocably awful. He betrayed Yuta's trust, and may never get it back. Tears fell down his cheeks so easily, just as things started to come together in his life, they fell apart just as easily. He should've known, he was selfish all along. He abandoned his sister, and now he broke his promise to Yuta.
He only ever hurt the people who cared about him, he thought. What he wouldn't give to rewind, to ignore Shotaro's threats and wait for Yuta to come home. To message his shoulders, and hold him through the night.
