are you bored of me yet? <||ruikasa||>

chapter four

hey so there's gonna be some more on tsukasas ex this chapter, with abuse. please do not read if you are easily sensitive to this!
goodbye krill world

so that's exactly what tsukasa did.

he walked and he walked until he could feel his lungs and his heart felt like it was spilling out of his chest, quickly stuffing his phone in his pocket before texting the two words, "bar lupin," to rui.

it was a long walk but, god, he needed it. he needed the loud blare of sirens and cars in his ears so be could block out the thought of everything, ryuji, nene, emu, and mostly rui.

oh, god, rui.

even thinking about him was too much for him.

his voice, his hair, his eyes, his warm hands, god, those fucking hands were going to be the death of tsukasa.

every breath reminded him of rui. every time his hand hit the table he thought of his hand hitting ruis. every time he moved he thought of how it feel to sit near him, to feel his heartbeat, to sit on him, where he could hug him and hug him until they were the only two people on planet earth.

but his phone buzzed and buzzed, close to a million texts from him, saying things like "are you okay?" and, "i'm coming to get you," and so many before and after.

he didn't wanna see him, yet he did. the alcohol in his system was still working its way to his mind, yet he couldn't see when someone picked him from his seat. when that same person led him gently out to a bright yellow car which had dark words plastered on it that he couldn't quite read.

rui quietly guided him to the car, pulling him into the back where he almost immediately let his head fall into his lap. it felt heavy.

he needed somewhere to rest it.

he could hear rui saying something, his voice so nice but so quiet. his lips moved but nothing came out.

he wanted to hear- he wanted to know what was coming out of the pretty mouth.

he saw his name, and then he heard his name, familiar sounds coming from his mouth, but was it his mouth?

and no, oh no his face wasn't his, his face was ryuji, oh god why was it ryuji?

he felt his hand travel to grip his chest. why was he here? why was it so hard to breathe? he could have sworn it was just rui, his pale gold eyes shimmering in the moonlight, but he couldn't see them anymore, just ryujis blank, dark, cold ones.

he heard his name come out of his mouth, then again and again, but he couldn't hear anything other than ryujis horrible voice calling his name.

he could remember those nights, that god, he never wanted to go back to. he could remember his face when he had told him it was normal, and when he screamed at him until tsukasa cried.

he had screamed his name and other mindless shit after he had done something slightly wrong, and god he never meant to, he never wanted to.

"tsukasa!" he would always scream. "why the fuck are you so useless?"

"tsukasa, why do you even think i'm still here?"

"tsukasa you're so fucking stupid!"

"tsukasa, tsukasa, tsukasa!"

"i-" he started, not knowing how to end. "i'm sorry ryuji, i didn't mean to. i know she was very nice to me."

"sorry isn't fucking enough!" he screeched, pacing the kitchen as tsukasa cowered against the wall. "you had to ruin everything by coming in, we were getting to know each other!"