Lillian Bianca Jones and Rafe Cameron have been enemies for as long as they can remember, but when the tide switches, things change. The waves take the past with them delicately. Will it be brought back to land? There are uncertainties in the ocean...
Listen to 'things i wish you said' by Sabrina Carpenter while reading this
It was a week since my birthday and things were pretty good, or at least better than usual. I kept trying to distract myself from Rafe and it was surprisingly working out. I took a bunch of extra shifts and the Wreck, started researching for an internship, and of course, hung out with my friends.
I was feeling the best I'd felt in a long time, and for once I was optimistic for the future. Don't get me wrong, things were looking up, but the habits I gathered through Rafe and I's breakup were still there. I still had a lot of anxiety and panic attacks, and I still wasn't back to my usual self, but this time I had trust that things were going to get better and hopefully, I was eventually going back to who I used to be. Before Rafe, before Daniel, before all of it.
Meanwhile, as time went on, I opened a few of the letters and boxes that god knows who had given me. I opened box 14, which I had to open when I was hungry and it had all my favorite snacks inside, the person who packed it must've known me well because every single item was one of my favorite foods.
When I was going to a party with Sarah and Kie I opened Box 4 (to open when going to a party) and inside it was a really gorgeous matching set, with a white tube top and a white skirt, both pieces had a navy ribbon on their seams, it was exactly my size and fit on like a glove which made me think that whoever gave it to me must've known my size and my body pretty well.
The set:
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Lastly, while I was having a panic attack I opened the letter that I had to open when I was anxious. Whoever wrote it must've been very intelligent because the letter really changed my point of view on so many aspects.
Dear Lillian,
If you opened this letter, you must be anxious for whatever reason, so let me talk you or in this case write you through it. I made these letters for you so that when you're struggling you're not forced to communicate your feelings to others. While I'm not discouraging you from doing so, I know just how hard it is to show your vulnerable self to people, no matter how much you trust them. First of all, I need you to take a few deep breaths, try to inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 3, and exhale for 4, and keep this cycle going until you feel your breath becoming more steady and calm. As you do this look around wherever you are, look at objects around the room, and associate at least five of them with comforting memories you have, once you've done that and calmed down, keep reading. I want you to think of whatever is making you anxious, right now it's probably a big burden that overwhelms you. But picture yourself five years from now; as a grown-up version of yourself who chose to grow away from the problem instead of running away from it. That same burden will have been one of the many stepping stones that will make you who you will be. Instead of letting the situation you are in take charge of you, recognize your strength and your value and take the right steps to grow from it. Whether that's to cut yourself off from a toxic relationship with friends or family, think more about yourself than of others, or simply go do something that you love. In life, when things don't go the way you want them to, you have to think that they are just a small part of your story, the main part is for you to write. The pain won't get smaller, but you will get stronger and whatever it is that is bothering you will seem so damn small, you'll turn the pain into power and overcome what has been hurting you. Once you understand that and embrace the mistakes you've made in life and the obstacles that have been thrown at you, you'll be able to finally grow away from the biggest burden of them all. Your anxiety. Anxiety is like a brainwashing monster, it tricks you into thinking that you aren't able to do things and things won't work out in the end, but whenever you hear that voice in your head that ruins your optimism you need to take a deep breath and ignore the shit out of it. You can do this, you can get through any tough day, week, month, or year, and you will. It might take time, but you have plenty of that, and most importantly, it will take hard work and support from the people that you surround yourself with. Don't let someone who makes you look down on yourself be friends with you, they don't deserve the privilege of that unless they're able to recognize how beautiful, smart, talented, and radiant you are. Don't lose track of who you are, you are what you choose to do, so make the most of that. I love you more than you'll ever know, I hope this letter helps you.
