Hibiki

Chapter 21 | Goodbye, Love

--_HARUKI_--

The sky's clear, the sun's looking down above and I'm already sweating. What bad weather.. I hate sunny days, I hate ugly faces, I hate...

          "Oh." I uttered as I finally saw him, Kaede with a dark expression towards me. I smiled at him like I always did. I like the rain, I like money, I like Kaede.. I think I did so.
          Kaede's here in front of me right now with, an emotionless face yet I can still feel his anger. A gloomy aura wraps around him. Talking with Hibiki is a pain. I hate Hibiki, he messed up my mind once again. I have already convinced myself that I didn't love Kaede, that I only used him. Those happy times were over and I already knew from the start that those would just end up to be fleeting memories.
          I was too scared to commit, too scared for the future, too scared to love. But I know that in the end, it's entirely my fault that it ended like this. I can't possibly go back now.

          "You've finally come back to me." I cockily said. I hate my personality.
          He took some steps back, probably conflicted with how I acted. "What do you want."
          I hate this weather. I walked towards the shade past Kaede which made him turn to look at me. I could feel his gaze, full of anger towards me even though I didn't try to look back. You caused this Haruki.
          I sat down and lit a cigarette. "How do I say this.."
          "Say what?" He said as I felt that he stood once more a few meters away, in front of me.

          I slowly looked up to look at him. His short hair that was blown once by the wind made me remember the past, when I was still so close to him. His ever beautiful figure casts a shadow on his side. His eyes, looking intently at me, not daring to break contact. "It's my fault. I'm sorry."
          Silence took over for a while. Kaede still didn't break his eyes off of me, while I looked at the ground in disgrace. I felt his sharp look soften.

          "I'm not here to reconcile things. I'm here to apologize," I said as I took the courage to look up once more and look at him. His face is still expressionless but the gaze that seemed like he really wanna kill me a while ago, now softened. "I'm sorry, for what I did. It's my fault, I know it's my fault and I'm sorry." I stood up and started walking towards him.

          "I loved you Kaede," I stopped in front of him, while I looked at his eyes that seemed to glow for a second. Is this really the first time I was able to say I love him back? The night we'd say our final goodbyes? "I loved you but I'm not for you. I don't deserve you, I never did."
          His face still looked numb like that last time I saw him, but now it's the first time I'm seeing him on the verge of tears. I quickly hugged him before I could see his tears. "Push me away if you want."
          Expecting a push, I hugged him tightly.. but there wasn't. I just felt his cold tears fall into my shoulder, his hiccups as he cried are the only things I can hear.
          "Why.." I finally heard Kaede utter a word. I then felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist to my back. A deep, warm embrace which I didn't expect I'd experience again. "Why just now? That was all that I wanted you to say!"
          It's the first time I have ever heard him raise his voice to me, and I don't hate it. I loved everything about him. I loved him before and.. yes I still do but I'm not for him.
          "I love you too.. why?" He mumbled again and again, while softly punching my back. I let him do as he pleased and I only responded in hugging him back.

          Hours passed by but we just sat there under the shade. Me sitting up while he sat close beside me with his head leaning on my shoulder. This man is bigger than me yet he acts like a baby.. how cute.
          "I really loved you, I still do," Kaede removed his head from my shoulder. "But I'm not good for you. You understand right?"
          He stood up and just looked away from afar. The city lights can be seen from this place, the moon, already starting its shift.
          "I know." He turned his head to look at me with a.. smile on his face. I never thought that he could smile like that again. That he could smile like that to me again after what happened. He softly caressed my face, touching my cheeks, my lips as he turned his head to leave. "I'm just happy you loved me too."