Hibiki

Chapter 18 | The Color Of White Amidst The Darkness

"I'll stay." I spoke with such confidence. That sounded confident I think? I just mimicked how one of my classmates spoke one time.

          "Oh," Xyla uttered. She stood up, taking her empty cup to the sink. "I see, didn't expect you to have an answer that quickly. You mustn't decide so recklessly though. Are you su-"
          "Yes."
          "You didn't let me finish." Xyla looked annoyed as she walked back towards the chair and sat in front of me. "Whatever... Do you know how to defend yourself?"
          "Yes."
          "Oh wait that's a dumb question, didn't I just give you a knife? Be careful with that by the way. If you cut yourself even just a little then that's not my fault," She remembered, but I'm not sure if what I did was proper self defense.
          I only mimicked things I have seen and performed the movements. The reason I can probably do it is because I have never felt real fear, hence I don't hesitate with my movements.
          "Still." Xyla's voice spoke in a concerned manner. "I don't think you should get involved with this for now. You see, you're too fragile. Too special. I don't know how to explain but you should be the one protected, not the one going head on."

          "What do you mean?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion, chin propped up on my hands. "I can certainly protect myself. I don't know what you're talking about me being.. fragile? Special and being 'someone to be protected?" I seem to have 'snapped', but why? Nevermind, continue on. It's better to express my thoughts right now.

          "I'm not saying you're weak but I just meant that you're too important right now to get involved further."

          "You're being like Kaed-"

          "Exactly." She cut off, then clapped her hands at the same time.
          "Kaede... I'm not sure who he is to you but he's definitely important. If you get into a bad situation, heck if you get into a situation where you're in the risk of death waiting up your ass. How do you think will he react? Happy?"
          Thinking about it again, she's right. That decision was very impulsive.
          She gave me a choice if I wanna go head on or not but not she's telling me this? She does have a point but that just seems weird. Still... I really am being too impulsive.

...

          "I doubt Kaede cares much about me." I closed my eyes and tried to shut down any thoughts. I felt like I needed a break.

          "If you really think that, then you're dumb."

          I opened my eyes again and looked directly at Xyla. I never thought that she could wear this kind of expression and tone of voice.
          She said that sentence just now with such an abrasive tone, wearing an indescribable expression.
          "If you think that he doesn't care about you, then you don't know him enough.
          You're being very immature and uncaring, both with your choices and your thought process." She lectured, then stood up from where she was sitting. I understand.

          Do I really?

          "Come back here when you actually racked your brains out," Her stern, serious voice turned concerned and soft again. "Hey, I'm not being mean, or against your decision. It's just that... I want you to know the danger of what you're going to be involved in if you did so." Xyla added then left the room through the door that leads to the actual store.
          I'm left here, sitting at a table with barely anything but a cat sleeping peacefully near a cup of coffee that has gone cold.

"I see."

But do I really?

          Did I actually understand everything she just said? Do I even understand my choices? Have all the things I've been doing wrong?