Hyung's Lover boy

A husband role ?

I was sitting in hyung's room, thinking about the possibilities of what he had just said to my parents and how valuable he made me feel at that moment. There are no words to describe how hyung made me feel. Sometimes, I want to risk my life for him and ask him what he feels for me.

 But then what if he says no? I would be without a home, without a shoulder to cry on, without someone to make me feel better, without someone to tell me it would be okay. There would be no one to cup my face and tell me to smile. I am afraid to lose everything we have just for my selfish desires because it is good to be with him like this rather than in the worst-case scenario we could imagine, but deep down i want to tried it for once, i want to give a chance for us.

Some tears unknowingly flowed from my eyes, and I could not hold them back, perhaps because I was not aware when they came. Why did hyung become so important in my life? He saved me, and I wanted to hold him but was also afraid to hold him for too long. Is there no way to deal with this so that he falls in love with me like in a magic spell, and I could be there for him? Did he magically see me as I see him? Just one percent of me, I would spend my life with him.

The door closed, and I knew he was there because I was sharing hyung's room from today, well i was used to stay here but today I considered myself that I worth everything. I wiped my happy tears away and looked down. He sat beside me and held my cheeks in his warm hands. "What's wrong, baby?" he asked, while I became more vulnerable than before. He has been like this since childhood, and I couldn't stop myself.

I was just playing alone in the park near my apartment. I was afraid to make new friends because I knew my parents would pay attentions more to my friend than me if he or she would be smarter than me, as they do on my cousin who is smarter than me. I felt unhappy. That was the first day I realized how lonely I was because my parents were disappointed in my sixth-grade marks. I got a B+ instead of an A. I was alone, sitting on a seesaw with no one on the other side. I didn't know who to share my feelings with because I knew no one at home cared about how I was feeling. But then he appeared out of nowhere, carrying a big smile on his face while holding Lisa's hand protectively, and he said hi to me as his routine. I stared at him while he held Lisa, who was showing her teeth toward me, but my eyes were on their hold. That moment I realized why I didn't have someone like him in my life—to hold me, to love me, to care for me. I looked down because I felt jealous of Lisa having him all to herself. Jimin hyung used to drop Lisa off at the park to play with me. He even tried to help Lisa make more friends and played with her when no one else was around. I acted very strangely toward Lisa because I was jealous of her having Jimin all for herself. We used to fight a lot, and hyung always tried to make us friends because we were classmates too. But we always ended up fighting. Even though hyung tried thousands of times to bring us together, we always ended up pulling each other's clothes. But that day, Jimin hyung noticed my face and rushed toward me, cupping my face for the first time. I was a child, and he was just two years older than me, but he had a spark in his eyes while he cared for my cheeks as if he were trying to understand me. He asked me what was wrong, and on those chubby cheeks, I melted and hugged him while crying. He held my hands tighter and let me cry, soothing my back.

After that day, I started playing with Lisa in the hope that I would become closer to him. I started to feel safe, and day by day, he also began to play with me, he also started to treat me like Lisa, or even sometimes more special. I noticed that Lisa wasn't that bad. From the start, my jealousy toward her was because she had Jimin hyung while I did not. I remember it was evening, and I was heading home alone from the playground. He was leaving too, so he came close to me and held my hand just like he held Lisa's. I didn't know how to express that my heart melted. That was when I realized that I was already in love with him, and I pulled my hand out of his grip, trying to stop it.

"Nothing," I answered because I had no words. I was always at a loss for words with him and couldn't make excuses.

"Look at me when you talk," he instructed, looking into my eyes. I was taken aback by his soothing eyes.

"I will always be there for you, in every way you need me—like a parent, brother, sister, best friend, or any form of support. I am here like a wall for you, Jungkookie," he said with a determined face. He is twenty-three years old.

"In a husband role?" I finally asked while maintaining eye contact, tears welling up in my eyes.

His eyes blinked for a second at my question, and his face changed expression from very serious to a bit shocked. "Will you?" I asked. I am also twenty-two. If this man said yes, I would put everything aside and marry him right then and there. Why not? I raised my hands toward his, and I lowered his hands with mine. My hands were cupping and holding his, but I did not break eye contact because it was so hard for me to look away from him.

Am I going to lose everything after this?