Hyung's Lover boy

A Kiss of nothing.

"Yes, they hated her just because she told them what she was really into, Jungkook-ah." I heard him clearly, and my grip on his wrist began to loosen. I noticed a few tears falling down his cheeks, and I wished I could wipe them away, but I held myself back. My hand was still on him, and I could feel the coldness in his hands. I wanted to give him warmth, but would he let me?

"I'm sorry, Jungkook, for everything I've done. I shouldn't have done it." Hyung finally looked at me completely while he cupped my hands in his and moved closer to me with those ocean-deep eyes. My gaze remained fixed on his falling tears. I was already losing my composure because I wasn't used to seeing him cry, and the way his cold hands tried their best to give me warmth was the final straw that made me break down too, with a few tears slipping from my eyes. How is this man so selfless? At that moment, he was trying so hard to warm my hands, even though his own hands were freezing. How?

"I shouldn't have kissed you. That's why everything got messed up. I can't turn back time, but..." he started, cupping my cheek with his other hand. I leaned into those cold hands, letting some warmth from my cheeks transfer to them without him noticing. I wanted him to know that it wasn't just his kiss; I had loved him for a long time. But seeing him cry like that left me speechless. His trembling lips as he formed each word and his red, puffy eyes made me want to stop his crying. I was ready to do anything for him. I hated seeing him cry. So, I finally pulled him into a hug, and he hugged me back. He needed it at that moment.

"I messed everything up, didn't I? My parents will hate me too, and I can't bear that, Jungkook-ah," he said while hugging me. I was glad he couldn't see the tears falling from my eyes. Could I say anything after that? 

"I kissed you because, for a moment, I felt something strange towards you. I never knew it would go this far. I'm sorry, Jungkook, I never meant to think anything wrong about you." Hyung began to hiccup in my arms, and all I wanted was to protect him from the world. Wrong? Why haven't he think anything wrong about me? I wish he would have thought something even more wrong.

"Whatever you thought was never going to happen, Jungkook-shi. You're just a child. You haven't even thought about marriage. Marriage isn't easy for the same gender. Please marry Lisa. In time, everything will be fine, won't it?" He asked, and my grip loosened completely. I rushed away from him because I didn't want to say no, but why did he have to ask me that?

But he grabbed my wrist and stopped me from going any farther. He pulled me toward him, and for a second, my heart stopped. He kissed me, and I stood there in shock, not believing how his hands cupped my cheeks. My eyes were locked on his face, whose eyes were closed, his nose brushing the side of mine. I wanted to pull away, but the way his lips moved over mine, so slowly and gently, took my soul away. It was the last straw for me—I was in love with him. I started to lose myself in the motion of his soft lips on mine.

He tiptoed to meet my lips, and I could feel him trying to compete with my height as he led us to his room. I helped him by gripping his waist tightly and lifting him completely in my arms. My body reacted in a way I didn't want it to. Hyung's body was pressed close to mine, and I was losing control. I knew this was wrong, but I opened his room with my free hand while the other held him up.

His lips were still on mine, moving so desperately. His hands roamed over my face, and one hand tangled in my hair. There was nothing I wanted to stop. I had dreamed of this moment. His breath became shallow, and I knew he was running out of air, but he didn't stop kissing me. I kissed him back just as passionately, and my other hand began to roam over his back. I wished I could hold him longer, but—

I threw him onto the bed, and we stared at each other, both breathing heavily, without saying a word. There wasn't much distance between us. Hyung was about to speak, but I leaned over and placed my forefinger on his lips to stop him.

"Shh." I touched those soft lips with my finger. I wanted so badly to kiss him again and taste him forever because it was the last wish of my life. My eyes drifted to his pink, soft lips as my finger traced them, and I sensed Hyung looking into my eyes. I was so focused on those lips that they could have broken me completely.

I pushed myself away from him and rushed out of the room, leaving my love behind because my love is not lust. I want him as my other half, not as my human desires. He is part of my life, not a part of my cravings. I closed the door to his room, slid down to sit outside of it, and sat there without hope.