Hyung's Lover boy

So proud of you, Jungkookie.

I was standing at the brink of my finals, and on the other side was my victory, state championship, I has been reached to the finals. The opponent was bulkier than me; moreover, he had been winning this award for the last five years. Believe me, I am always confident in myself, but today I was nervous—not because I was afraid of losing, but because of my hyung. I didn't want him to see me as a failure; that was the only thing that scared me. I am immune to everyone around me because I know one day they will say one thing, and the next day they will say something else. But I never wanted to lose this man. The day his eyes would reflect disappointment for me, that day I would lose myself, for forever.

I was nervous, which is why I was trying so hard to win the match. My whole focus was on winning. I was trying to punch that bulky guy in the ring, but I lost a bit of my consciousness to protect myself, and it gave the bulky guy a chance to win our first battle, he punched me many times by taking the opportunity, my mouth bleed a bit, from the right corner of my lips. One more match, and he would definitely win. I became more nervous than before because I had fewer chances than before, which led me to become even more nervous.

Before the second match could start, there is few minutes rest break, hyung came toward me with a spark in his eyes. I was nervous, standing on one side corner of the ring and on other my opponent was, I was embarrassed because I had already lost one match so easily, and I didn't know why, but I tried to avoid eye contact with hyung. I felt stupid because I thought I was passionate about boxing. Hyung invested so much in me for this day, only to see me losing matches. He provided me with so much, yet I was still not good enough, Am I good in anything? How stupid and what a loser I am. I tried to move back to the match, but he gripped my wrist and pulled me before joining the match, and my eyes met his.

"It's not about winning or losing. You never aimed to be here just to win, not because you want that fucking trophy, Honey. You are here because you love boxing, you spent hours doing boxing because you enjoyed it, you forgot about the time while practicing, that much you love boxing. Just enjoy it to the core," hyung's eyes were on me while his words were confident. That's the thing—whatever he says, he knows what he's saying. His grip on my wrist was firm, but his eyes were still shining—no nervousness, no fear, no expectations, no worries—just confidence and admiration, just care for me. My nervousness vanished. If he isn't worried about me winning, then why should I be?

"I want you to be proud of yourself at the end of this battle, whether you win or lose. You are going to leave this ring like a winner, whether you win this match or not," he finished, slowly loosening his grip on my wrist. I didn't want him to let go of my wrist, but I understood that my time to fight again was near. He made me realize why I chose to be a boxer, and yes, I enjoyed it—that's why I chose to be a boxer in my life. He wasn't expecting me to win; he just wanted me to enjoy the match, and yes, I did. Suddenly, I felt a burst of happy energy. I felt freer and more focused on joining the battle. He was right—whether I won or lost, I was going to give my best. I was going to win against myself after this match.

The second match ended, and I won this time. My hyung was smiling when I looked at him; he just made a gesture by joining his thumb and forefinger, signaling to me that I had done my best. I was the first from last five years who has won one match against that bulkier guy, my opponent, that drives the audience went crazy. I smiled despite some bruises, but who cares about those when a handsome man is telling you that you did your best? I smiled to myself before joining the third match, the last battle. I saw the heaviness in hyung's eyes because he was worried about my injuries, but I was enjoying the boxing because I love it. I was really enjoying each moment in the ring, and the presence of hyung made me feel even more euphoric.

The third battle ended, and guess what? I lost. Everyone started to cheer for the one who won. All the people were chasing and hooting for my opponent. The referee came and raised my opponent's hand while I looked down because I lost. I tried my best, and I have no regrets because I did my best. Everyone was cheering and hooting for the man who won in the ring.

My eyes met my hyung's. I don't blame God for anything because they sent me this angel, they blessed me with him. My eyes became teary because he was still carrying that proud smile on his face, smiling toward me and giving me a thumbs-up with both hands while smiling and tearing up. He opened his arms for a hug, and a few tears slipped from my eyes because I couldn't hold them back anymore.

After I came out of the ring, I ran to him while everyone was cheering for the winner. I wasn't—that's the difference. The people who care for you will cheer for you whether you are carrying the trophy or not; they're still going to stand by your side. I rushed to him, hugged him, and cried more silently, tightening my grip around his body. I lost, but I didn't feel guilty about it because I enjoyed it to the core.

"You did your best, my baby!" hyung whispered, making circles on my back. Slowly, his hands rose, and he ruffled my hair while he cried and sniffled, and so did I.

After a few minutes, he broke the hug and carefully looked at my bruises. He touched my hands, cheeks, and head where all the bruises were. The touch was soft and careful, as if he was searching for more bruises. My eyes were fixed on his face, his eyes filled with only care and love. The touches were gentle; he was close enough. The moment between us was silent but comfortable. Then he broke the silence, "I am so proud of you, Jungkookie," he said, while picking up his things and intertwining his one hand with mine. His face was all happy, proud, as if I were the one who had won the match. His eyes still sparkled with so much admiration.

"You played well," he said, and Lisa and our other friends agreed with hyung who were present there, they were sad too because of my lose, but hyung was carrying that smile, with his rosy nose, he had cried. Hyung wiped my tears with the hem of his shirt using his other free hand. He grinned while looking into my eyes. There was no disappointment on his face; instead, he was so happy, I know his every expression. I love him; I know him more than I know myself. My eyes were stuck on those sparkling eyes. How could anyone be so good? God, thank you for sending him into my life.

'I promise, hyung, one day I will win, for you, for me, for us.' I finally smiled for him and let him drag me wherever he was aiming for.