It has been a minute, I know!
I've been complaining for the longest time about engagement and I have been shouting that it is what motivates me to write but nothing has changed so I have decided to be updating monthly or biweekly, until you all do better, I anticipate better engagement moving forward please.
UNEDITED.
Abuja, Nigeria.
January, 2021.
Amna kept herself distracted throughout their stay at the family house. The house was always full of life and busy, her sisters visited, Ammi and Hafsah as well. Her parents also called daily to check on her.
She had breakfast outdoors in the backyard with Mami and Aslam every morning. Also, Aisha and Yasmine spent their evenings in the house with Aisha's kids running around.
She even baked cheesecake with the kids in Mami's kitchen on the 4th day when she felt much better. The activities kept her occupied which she liked. She hadn't experienced another nightmare which she was glad about. But when they returned home after their week-long stay at Mami's, the distractions that had kept her afloat were no longer there, and even though she tried to immerse herself in her daily routines, she found herself slipping back into the dark abyss of her grief.
The house felt too big and too quiet. Aslam, despite his efforts to remain present, had to return to work. Even though he adjusted his work hours to stay home longer, it was never enough. Each morning, before leaving, he suggested she visit her mom, Sa'adah, or any family member she wanted to.
***
The atmosphere shifted dramatically after they returned home. Amna's condition, which had seemed to improve when they were at the family house, started to deteriorate rapidly. The bustle and comfort of the family house was replaced by the silence of their own home, and Amna found herself drowning in her grief once more.
She began having nightmares again, even more vivid and terrifying than before. They were not always about Khalthum; sometimes, they were about the miscarriage and other times, they were inexplicable, filled with an overwhelming sense of dread that left her feeling doomed. In one of them, she saw Khalthum standing at the beach, waving at her. In another, Khalthum was holding a baby as she looked at Amna. The dreams had Amna waking up in a cold sweat, gasping for breath, her heart pounding in her chest.
.
.
.
Her sobs woke Aslam up the first night she had the nightmare when they returned home. He turned to find Amna trembling, her body wracking with silent sobs. Without thinking, he reached out to her, his hand gently resting on her shoulder.
"Amna, it's okay," he whispered, trying to pull her into his arms. "I'm here."
But she flinched at his touch, pushing him away with a surprising force. "No, I'm fine," her voice shaky and breathless.
"You're not fine," Aslam said, his voice filled with concern. He reached out again, but she moved away, wrapping her arms around herself, crying.
"Please, Aslam," she pleaded, her eyes wide with a mix of fear and sorrow. "I just need... I just need some space."
He sighed, his heart aching as he watched her curl up defensively. "Alright," he said softly, not wanting to push her.
She dreaded sleep because of the nightmares, which led to long nights of insomnia. The nights she did manage to fall asleep came with sleep apnea, her breath stopping multiple times, leaving her gasping and waking up in a panic.
Every morning, Aslam noticed the dark circles deepening under her eyes and the growing paleness of her skin.
One morning, after another restless night, Aslam sat down beside her on the edge of the bed.
