Empty me, Fill me up

Yellow

When I find it hard to walk up the stairs I rest my tired bones on the cold floor and I would stare at the yellow couch for hours
for when I close my eyes all I see is black and cold.

When I find it too hard to pick up my hand
too hard to feed my starving soul
I would swallow those yellow pills
and tell myself it's food, it's good, I'm good,

But when I find it too hard to look in the mirror
I would just watch over my my filthy floor
and I could see fractions of myself spread across my room
like when I find it too hard to brush my teeth
and my toothbrush would stay dry for days
and my bed would look as if it was never made
my bones would stick out
my veins

like when I find it too hard to speak
and my voice would go rusty just like my father's old jeep
so I would write as if I was possessed by a demon-
but that demon is me
that demon is my emptiness
it haunts on the nights when I'm too tired to close my eyes
it crawls in my head
making me wish I was going to die
but my desiese isn't in my body
it's in my mind, my soul
rip it out, I beg you!
juts let me be alone

So when I'm too tired to fight
I just let it all fall apart
and I lay there
numb
giving in the fall
but my body keeps on wondering in an infinity of nothingness
and my life flashes behind me full of stupid regrets

But when I'm too tired to regret
I tell myself I'm bad, I'm bad
isn't that why the devil takes one's soul? Why he hugs them each night carrying their empty lungs across the world? Isn't that why the devil smiles to one with his black teeth
and wispears in their ear
every time they go to sleep?