Sleep was more of a curse than a blessing. Or at least, that specific night was not the most peaceful one for Yunjin.
I'm not good for you. The words kept replaying over and over. Yunjin didn't know what Chaewon meant, but if that was the excuse she had gone for then there was nothing to question. It had been months since Chaewon moved in, and Yunjin had seen the brunette be a bit wild in terms of her lifestyle, but Yunjin had accepted every part of her. She thought Chaewon would have understood that. And yet, she didn't accept her feelings because she was not good. What made a person good in the first place? Yunjin didn't really have an answer, but even without thinking too much about it, she was more than certain that Chaewon could not be classified as a bad person. Chaewon was good, in her own way. But for some reason the older girl did not believe she was, and if anything that was precisely what bothered Yunjin the most among the events that played out in the past hours.
After confessing to her step-sister on her birthday and getting rejected, falling asleep and forgetting about it all was not really an option. At first, Yunjin believed that she was emotionally strong enough to not be too affected by it, and to be more understanding of Chaewon's reasons. She thought that with some time to herself, she would have been able to move on and pretend nothing happened. That was how life worked, right...? You get hurt, you get back up.
But knowing that Chaewon was in the room right next to her, Yunjin couldn't stop wondering and questioning what was going on inside Chaewon's pretty little head. She knew that although she didn't react well to what Yunjin had told her, there was another kind of sadness in her eyes. Not pity, more like... longing, or some sort guilt. Of course Yunjin would never be mad nor avoid the older girl over a failed attempt at a possible relationship, but she felt the need to be away from her to prevent her one-sided crush from growing even stronger. Since they literally lived in the same house, she was aware that they were eventually going to have to talk again, and probably before Yunjin was ready to do so. She could already sense the awkwardness without even being in the same room.
Right after Chaewon had gone up and left her frozen in the kitchen a couple of hours before, Yunjin had taken a wet cloth and started to wipe the counter clean to distract herself. She didn't really succeed though as all she could focus on were the noises coming from the floor above, indicating that Chaewon had showered briefly and gone into her bedroom. Yunjin had also finished washing up soon after, and even though she had the sudden urge to leave the house and stay over at Sakura's, she knew that it would have been a rash and immature decision. After all, the ultimate fault for their current situation was hers. She shouldn't have given into her feelings, she should have waited for some sort of sign like any other normal person with a crush would do. But as Yunjin stood alone in the kitchen where her and Chaewon celebrated so happily, Yunjin had to rethink her initial assumption that Chaewon was also trying to get close to her in the hope for something more. The recent changes in her behaviour meant nothing apparently. But one thing was clear: Chaewon was definitely not indifferent to Yunjin, or if she was, then Yunjin had to compliment her acting.
Now that she was in her bed and had the time to go over the events that occurred in the evening, Yunjin started to feel guilty. The thought of Chaewon being uncomfortable and avoiding her all over again was tormenting her. She really had no chance of getting any sleep that night. Yunjin turned and turned around, not finding peace in any position. Her phone was charging on the other side of the room, and even though she was fully awake, she didn't have the energy to leave the warmth of her blanket.
Usually, silence was considered very precious. The only chance of getting a break from the world. But to Yunjin, the silence that surrounded her was pure torture. It made the millions of thoughts inside her head sound a hundred times louder, and there was nothing to distract her, nothing to interrupt her continuous thinking. As if to make the situation even worse, whenever Yunjin glanced at the alarm clock on the nightstand, she would groan in frustration at the slow flow of time. It had not even been one full hour since she had first gotten into bed. Turning on her side, she stared at the wall separating her from Chaewon's room. Judging by the lack of any noise, it was probable that she was already fast asleep, and not lying awake staring at nowhere in particular like Yunjin.
