Mental Health One shots

4. Meredith Grey

Tw: Panic attack

Everything was too much, too loud. The young doctor could feel how it was getting harder and harder for her to breathe and her throat slowly constricting. It wasn't the first time it had happened, but it was the first time it had happened during a shift. She had to get away, quickly, before her knees gave way. She ran to the nearest supply room and slid down the wall. She felt everything. How the blood flowed through her veins and arteries, her stomach digesting her lunch, how the enzymes broke down her food. Her ears were ringing and the world began to spin. She didn't notice that a certain doctor had followed her.

Y/n pov:

Calm down Y/n, you have to breathe. It's just a panic attack like you've had a hundred times before, it will stop again. But what if it doesn't stop this time? What if I die now? I notice my breathing speeding up again and I slowly start to have cramps too.  I think I hear the door being opened, but I can't say for sure. Suddenly the world stopped spinning and instead I looked into the blue eyes of Dr. Meredith Grey, my attending today. Shit, that's exactly what I was missing. Man, I'm stupid.

"Y/n, look at me, please!"

Two fingers pushed my chin up and I briefly caught Dr. Grey's eyes.

"Y/n, you have to breathe for me, please. Breathe in and out with me?"

I tried, but I had no chance. I panicked even more. Two strong arms pulled me into a hug. My head was on Dr. Grey's chest and under normal circumstances I would have pulled myself away immediately, but now I didn't care. I could hear her heartbeat, regular and slow. I could also feel her calm breathing.

"Y/n, I'm here and I'm not going away. You're safe, everything is fine. You're alright. You don't have to be afraid, I'm here. You can trust me, I'm here. It will pass, you just have to breathe with me now. You can do it!"

I just concentrate on Dr. Grey's breathing. I calm down a bit. But the cramps started againg, this time worse. I can't move my fingers anymore.

"I-it h-hurts s-so m-much."

"Shhh, this too will pass. You know why this happens, Y/n/n. It's completely normal. Everything is fine, I'm here!"

Dr. Grey began to massage my fingers. It cracked horribly, but I had to concentrate on not panicking again. Dr. Grey's calm pulse and breathing helped a lot.

Soon all that could be heard was my quiet crying. I felt better and quickly pulled myself out of Dr. Grey's arms.

"I-I'm so sorry Dr. Grey, I didn't mean to - you didn't have to do that!"

Dr. Grey sat in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders. She looked at me piercingly with her blue eyes.

"Y/n it's alright. It's not a problem, really. You can call me Meredith."

"Thank you Meredith."

"Y/n, do you have these panic attacks often or was this your first?"

I suddenly became incredibly interested in the floor and started playing nervously with my hands. Meredith's hand lay on mine to stop my fidgeting.

"Y/n?"

"Mhh? Um, yes, I mean no, it wasn't my first panic attack, but the first during a shift."

Meredith stroked the backs of my hands and took my hands in hers.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Mh, maybe half a year. Since Lexie's death."

"Have you ever spoken to anyone about it?"

"N-No, I-I can't. I always have to think back to Lexie, I-I can't. I-I'm so incredibly sorry, Meredith. I shouldn't have said that. I-"

"Y/n, stop. Remember to breathe, please. Look at me!"

It was getting harder for me to breathe again. Less and less air was getting into my lungs. Meredith was talking to me but I didn't understand what she was saying, my ears were ringing. I suddenly felt very dizzy and spots started dancing in front of my eyes. Slowly there were more and more spots until I was pulled into unconsciousness by the blackness.

"Y/n, open your eyes!"

I found myself on Meredith's lap. She looked at me worriedly with her blue eyes.  I tried to sit up, but was gently pushed back again.

"Stay lying down, you were unconscious for about 2 minutes. Your pulse and breathing were stable, though, so I didn't page anyone. I know you don't like anyone seeing you like that."

"Th-thank you! You really didn't have to do that-"

I was so incredibly grateful for that! It was bad enough that she saw me like that.

"Y/n, stop! I was happy to do that. Here, drink something."

I was slightly sat up and a bottle was held to my lips.

"Thank you!"

"No problem. I'll sit you up slowly now, you can let me know if you're not feeling well."

I nodded and Meredith slowly sat me up. I felt a little bit dizzy for a moment, but it was fine, nothing I couldn't handle. But I could hardly stay upright because I was so exhausted. I tipped forward slightly.

"Here, eat something, then you'll feel better."

Meredith held a granola bar to my lips and I took a bite.

"I can do it myself."

"I don't care"

A devilish smile crept onto Grey's lips. I rolled my eyes. Meredith had to laugh.

"Shut up"

"Watch your language!"

She laughed even harder. I annoyed took another bite of the bar, clearly showing my displasure.

"So Y/n I could make a appointmentfor you with Violet or Sheldon if you like?"

"I can do it myself. You-"

"Shut up. I want to. I believe you prefer Violet?"

I nodded.

"Do you want me to come with you to the first appointment?"

I looked suprised at her.

"That would be really helpful. But you really don't have to. I don't want to be a burden-"

"Sush! You talk to much Y/n. I suggested it so it's fine really! I care about you. Get that into your tiny head pleas. So here ist what you will do th next time you feel a panic attack coming when you are on duty: you come and get me. I don't care what I am doing in this second. Page me, call me I don't know scream for me. I dont care what I am doing in this second. But you have to do it! Also I would like you to test me when you had a panic attack and how long it lastet. Ofcourse you can also call me. I will answer my phone. Clear? "

"Yes Dr. Grey"

"Good girl"

Wordcount: 1143