sombre

rue eulogies

10:36 AM - wednesday august 18th

the sun was high in the sky‚ its light spilling through the half-closed blinds‚ casting long‚ sharp shadows across the floor. i watched them dance‚ shifting with the breeze that whispered through the open window‚ their movements erratic‚ almost alive. it was summer‚ though the warmth felt more like a distant memory‚ something i had read about in books but never truly experienced. the heat was there‚ i knew it was-sweat clung to my skin‚ my shirt sticking to my back-but it was as if i couldn't feel it, as if the world was wrapped in a thin layer of glass‚ keeping me at arm's length from everything i should have been able to touch.

i sat in the chair by the window‚ the one that used to belong to my grandmother‚ its fabric worn and faded. the clock on the wall ticked with a maddening precision‚ each second a reminder that time was moving forward‚ though i wasn't sure if i was. i had been here before‚ i was certain of it. this room‚ this day-everything felt like a repetition‚ a loop i couldn't escape. the sun was always in the same position‚ the shadows always cast at the same angle‚ and i-always here‚ always watching‚ waiting for something i couldn't name.

the voices were quieter today‚ a low murmur in the back of my mind‚ like a radio tuned to a distant station. sometimes they were louder‚ clearer‚ filling the room with their demands‚ their whispers‚ their lies. but today they were content to observe‚ to comment softly on the futility of my existence, on the absurdity of my waiting. they liked to remind me that tomorrow was a myth‚ that it would never come‚ that the promises i had made to myself-to do better‚ to be better-were just empty words spoken into the void.

i tried to remember what day it was‚ but the answer slipped through my fingers like sand. monday? thursday? it didn't matter. the days bled into each other‚ indistinguishable‚ like the blurs that sometimes crossed my vision when i stared too long at the sun. i knew i shouldn't look‚ but there was something mesmerizing about the brightness‚ the way it swallowed everything else. it was as if‚ in those moments‚ i could see through the layers of reality‚ glimpse the truth hidden beneath the surface. or maybe it was just another illusion‚ another trick of the mind.

the phone rang‚ a sharp intrusion into the stillness‚ but i didn't move to answer it. it was probably him again-the one who used to care‚ the one who used to understand. or at least‚ that's what he said. but he didn't know‚ not really. how could he? he wasn't here‚ in this room‚ in this endless summer where the days never turned into tomorrow. he was out there‚ living in a world that still followed the rules‚ where time moved in a straight line and the future was something you could reach out and touch.

the ringing stopped‚ leaving behind an emptiness that felt more tangible than the sound itself. i let out a breath i hadn't realized i was holding‚ my gaze drifted back to the window. the sunlight was harsher now‚ almost blinding‚ but i didn't turn away. the shadows were still there, still shifting, though they didn't make sense anymore. they moved against the light‚ in directions they shouldn't‚ their edges blurring as if they were losing their grip on reality‚ just like me.

i closed my eyes‚ but the light was still there‚ burning through the lids‚ imprinting itself on the backs of my eyelids. i tried to remember what it felt like to live in the daylight‚ to believe in tomorrow‚ but the memory was too far gone. all that was left was this moment‚ this endless loop of summer days that never ended‚ never changed. the voices stirred again‚ more insistent now‚ reminding me that i was alone‚ that i would always be alone. i wanted to argue‚ to tell them they were wrong‚ but the words wouldn't come. Instead‚ i let the light take me‚ let it wash over me‚ and waited for the day to begin again.