Nick and Charlie life after high school one shots

Drained

                  TW for self harm.                His bed was drenched with sweat as he looked up at the ceiling. He sat up, his vision suddenly becoming blurry for a few seconds. He was so...bored. But he didn't want to get up. He didn't want to do anything. He hadn't showered or eaten. He didn't want to play the drums. He didn't want to talk to anyone.

He was kind of mad at his friends. He had messaged the group chat, and no one responded. It was already difficult for him to have to wait for a reply; When he was in this state of mind, any sort of delay in response triggered Charlie into thinking they didn't want to talk to him. That maybe they didn't want to be his friend anymore. That they were sick of him, and that he was annoying. He knew, logically, that his friends could've just been busy, and that they were in school, but seriously? They pulled their phones out all the time. On top of that, Darcy had posted a meme on her story. He didn't get a response from someone until a few hours later, and by that time, he was already angry and certain that they just felt bad for him. That's why they replied. So he never messaged back. And he had no plans to, either. Kind of hypocritical since he was upset no one messaged him, but his brain insisted they didn't want to talk to him anyway.

He felt incredibly lonely, missing a couple of days of school and being holed up in his room all day. He knew he wasn't certainly helping himself in the matter, but he convinced himself that no one wanted to talk to him. Nick had some rugby tournaments coming up, so his replies were late, too. Charlie knew that he couldn't expect Nick to be glued to his phone, rushing to answer Charlie whenever he texted. But, he had to admit that it comforted him when he did. Now that he was taking a while to respond, Charlie managed to convince himself that he was only texting Charlie because he felt like he had to. Not because he wanted to. He wasn't even coming over anymore, the games running over late and being exhausted once he got back. But to Charlie, he couldn't help but feel like it was just excuses. Nick was sick of him, in fact, he probably was loving the time away from Charlie. He was such a downer, after all, and had been in such an emotional state lately that everything seemed to trigger him. He could tell that Nick was walking on eggshells trying to avoid anything that would upset Charlie.

Just the other day, Nick began to gush over how much he loved his mum, because she came to support him at all his away games. Charlie suddenly felt a massive weight on his chest, his brain immediately switched from relatively calm to extreme anxiety, jealousy, and insecurity. He said nothing as his mind began to swarm full of thoughts. That he was the worst boyfriend in the world for not having the mental or physical energy to go to his away games. That he wished his mum was someone he could gush about, and instead, felt like his enemy. Tears began to form and Charlie couldn't stop it; Nick immediately noticed and practically ran to the bean bag Charlie was sitting on to hug him. When Nick asked what was wrong, Charlie didn't want to speak. If he spoke, he knew he would start full-on sobbing, and he was already feeling extremely overwhelmed. After he had finally calmed down enough to stop crying, he and Nick practically sat in silence. Charlie was too exhausted to speak, and Nick just wasn't sure what to say. Charlie began to pick up his things, and Nick asked him to stay a little longer, but Charlie just wanted to be alone. He felt embarrassed and drained.

So, he was locked up in his room, doing absolutely nothing but letting his thoughts continue to consume him. His brain was exceptionally talented at convincing Charlie that everyone he knew hated him. Or that they just pitied him. He was becoming desperate for something physical to do other than dwell on his thoughts.

That's when he remembered cutting. It was an absolutely perfect idea. It would give him something to do, and he could focus on what it felt like instead of staying in his mind that had a mission to get Charlie to hate himself at all costs. He had recently been allowed his razors back to shave, as it had been a while since his last episode. He wasn't sure what brought on this deep depression he was in. But he was starting to think that that was just the way it was. It came and went. His mood changes so rapidly, so extremely, it was so exhausting. It drained him constantly.