Unwanted

Chapter 8

Passing time. That's all I've been doing lately. Not living, only passing time until I don't need to anymore. One day I won't need to do anything. I'll just be gone.

Chapter 8

Walking up to the kitchen I listened closely to see if I heard my mother awake. Silence. Thank god, I thought.

I walked quietly until I reached the kitchen. I opened the cabinet and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry. I never really ate much. My appetite sort of just left me one day.

I quickly grabbed a glass of water and sneaked back down the stairs until I reached my bedroom door.

Opening the door, and closing it behind me, I walked to my bed and sat down, looking at my blanket.

I quietly ate in silence and drank the water once I finished my granola bar.

I didn't really know what to do today. Today was only Monday, so I had two more days until I could go back to the shelter.

I sighed and flopped onto my back on the bed. I looked at my ceiling and just listened to the noise around me.

The birds chirped outside happily, the trees moved back and forth with the light breeze, and a dog barked a couple houses down from me, everything seemed so peaceful. Then there was me.

I sighed again, defeated. I was just so tired.

I decide to go on a run. They always seem to get me out of my own mind.

I grab my neon green exercise shorts and a loose work out shirt that says "Just get over it" on the front.

I got my tennis shoes on and grabbed my iPod before walking to my screen door and closing it behind me.

I turned my iPod on shuffle and plugged my earphones into my ears.

I exhaled and started walking to the path in the woods.

I began lightly jogging once I've reached the beginning of the trail. But after 7 minutes of jogging I start running. Faster.

Thoughts of my mother come to mind and I tried to push them out by running faster but they keep coming. Her telling me how worthless I am, and how she never wanted me. How my father never wanted me.

I ran faster.

My father never wanted me. He left because he hated me so much! Ugh I'm pathetic. It's all my fault. It's my fault that my mother does what she does. It's my fault that my father left me. It's my fault for everything!

I ran faster until I couldn't take it anymore. I fell to my knees and started sobbing.

I leaned my back against a tree that was next to me.

I kept crying and brought my knees up to my chest. I put my forehead against my knees.

I was still crying quietly when I heard a tree snap.

My head snapped up to the noise and my breath hitched.

It was Jared. Of course! Why not? Minus well bring everyone in who hates me. I don't even know why Jared hates me so much.

I put my head back on my knees so he wouldn't see my tear stained face.

"Go away Jared." I mumbled, my voice hoarse.

"What happened to you?" Jared asked questionably.

"Nothing. Just go away. It's not like you give a shit." I mumbled. Barely managing to get the words out without crying again.

Jared still stood there. I could tell he moved closer because I could see his sneakers by my shoes.

It was silent for a while until he broke it.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me Nicole." Jared stated, determined.

That's it! He kept pretend like he even cares. He needs to go the fuck away.

My head snaps up and lands on his face. I glare at his beautiful face. He's just so handsome, his blonde hair sticking to his forehead because of sweat, and his honey colored eyes looking concerned at me.

"You don't get to know Jared. It wouldn't make a difference anyway. " I stated.

"At least I'd know why you cry so much." Jared said.

Great he thinks I'm a cry baby. I'm just so pissed and sad I don't even realize what I said in the next sentence until it was to late.

"You want to know Jared? My mother hates me! I'm the problem! For everything! My dad left. He left because he hates me just like my mother! Everyone hates me I'm stupid, I don't think, I'm not even suppose to be here! My mother tells me everyday! I. Was. A. Accident. A terrible accident apparently." I laughed. But an evil laugh. One that had no humor in it. "I just can't do it anymore Jared. I'm just so tired." I whispered. More tears leaked out of my eyes and I looked up with my blurry vision.

Jared looked shocked to say the least. But then he looked mad. He clenched his fists at his side and I thought he was going to hit me, his eyes looked so murderous.

I cowered away while holding my arms over my head.

When nothing happened I blinked, peeking out from under my arms to see Jared looking pained.

What? Pained. No that's not right.

Oh my gosh! What did I say! I basically told him everything! Of thank god I didn't tell him that my mom was abusive. He probably only thinks she's mentally abusive.

What happened to my plan? I was suppose to stay away from him! And here I am telling him my secrets.

I stood up and wiped the remaining tears off my face.

I looked at Jared straight in the eyes. "You didn't hear anything. I didn't say anything. Understood? This doesn't involve you." I said.

"It's does now." Jared replied. He kept looking at me like he wanted to understand why I'm so blocked off.

"You don't get it do you? This. Doesn't. Involve. You. You don't care about me. No one does." I whispered the last part to myself, hoping he hadn't heard.

"She doesn't know." He whispered to himself, so quietly I barely heard.

"What don't I know?" I asked curiously.

"What? Oh erm. Nothing." He mumbled.

"Um okay?" I said, but it came out as more of a question.

After 10 more minutes of silence I finally decided to leave.

"I should go." I said.

"Oh right. Yeah." Jared said, he looked lost in thought.

What was he thinking about? I guess I'll always wonder.

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